Dear Diary,

Well I did end up staying home on Friday, though I did not get as much done as I'd hoped. I think I am running myself to the point of exhaustion. When I took the pt job it sounded easy enough to squeeze 20 hrs a week. But the truth is with the commute and the other parts of my schedule, it just isn't really possible if I want to have a reasonable amount of downtime, sleep and get my personal work done.

The extra money is there but it goes faster than expected. Unforseen costs come up and interrupt my general financial plan. A job cancellation this week has already set me back about $600, and now I have to juggle rent and other bills, not paying as much on my credit card as I'd hoped.

I am tired.

So, part of Friday was recuperating and just trying to build up my own energy. Another part was major cleaning, because Gail and another friend were coming into town for some kind of conference and they had asked me if they could stay with me and I said yes (further proof of my craziness). I finally came to the point of deciding I wouldn't make myself crazy, I would clean as much as I could and make it nice but really if they weren't happy they could go stay in a hotel!

I also had to go into town to run some errands and also went to the grocery store. Then Gail and friend arrived, I was exhausted and shut myself in my room to prepare for my big presentation the next day.

Saturday went well, my presentation was fairly strong and I felt happy with it. Went out to dinner with Gail and Marie afterward, it was okay although I don't really care for or trust Marie very much. She is still in relationship with Ben and works with Alphie from time to time, so you know her life is a drama-fest. Although she mentioned that Alphie is "useless", I still don't trust her enough to really confide in her about my personal life. She did ask me if I was seeing anyone, and I said that I was just dating, nothing serious.

No use telling her, or anyone I just know casually, about G. I had called him on Friday but he sounded worn out and said he was grouchy, so we said we'd catch up on Sunday.

Sunday Gail and I went back into town, I said hello and goodbye to Ben and Marie- Ben is as charming and charismatic as ever and I have to say that sometimes I am still tricked... but really I guess he is still the same and it will do me well to remember that. At least he didn't ask me who I was fucking.

At some point I realized how worn out I was and realized it was supposed to be my day off and I needed to go home. But I ran into Bethany and Marva downstairs and of course we had to do a little shopping! There was a major sale on earrings and you know how I am about earrings... it was a great deal, even though when I got home I realized that two pairs look pretty cheap, one exceptionally so. In any case it should be fine, maybe I can take that pair apart and make something more "me".

I talked to G when I got home, he was feeling better, having spent most of the weekend drinking and partying with his friends... we talked for over an hour, again I am surprised at the ease of our communication. I'm really excited about him coming to visit.

Today I came into pt job despite not wanting to at all... I am tired of it to tell you the truth, but I need to make money especially after the loss I mentioned above. It is a grind and no good for me, although I was occupied for two hours or so with solving some minor math problems. But now I've done just about everything and there won't be much to do tomorrow... blah.

I was on FB today and rock IM'd me "Are you still mad?" - he is such a teenager. I asked "mad about what?" and he responded, "good question." so then we went through the whole, "I called you, you didn't call me-" blah blah blah. Strange how he insists that he called me and IM'd me but I never got a thing- apparently technology failing all over the place for him. Of course you know I also don't believe a word. He has always been a poor communicator and he just dropped the ball, I didn't chase him and so much time went by that he probably started feeling like an ass, then he made all these stories up in his head about me being mad at him? Ok, whatever. The good news is I really am ok, slightly miffed about his lies but I don't feel devastated and really I don't feel like pursuing a relationship with him anymore at all, so I won't be putting any effort into much of anything with him. He's already proven he cannot show up and I really don't need to stress myself.

I know I should probably call Pandora and tie up any loose ends. I haven't really felt like talking to her so... I just haven't. I did send her an FB message that I might see her at a friend's party next weekend (she will be coming from out of town) but she never responded. So I don't know what's up with her... and I don't know why but when I think about it, this thing feels like something that's pulling, pulling on me. I just don't like it.

I guess I know more than I think I do.

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