Dear Diary,

I really don't want to be negative, but I am feeling pretty miserable. Yes I remember, this is how I used to feel all the time when I had a 9-5 job! Oh how it sucks and is not good for me... more impetus to pay off my debt asap so I can quit this job! I don't even know how much time it will take... I feel like the responsible thing to do is stay at the pt job for a year, but if I could pay off my debt before then I wouldn't mind leaving at all.

I think I slept a little better than I have the past two nights. Those nights were filled with chaotic and upsetting dreams that woke me every few hours. Last night there were dreams but I may have done a bit better. I just want to stay home these last few days, but the paychecks get called in on Wednesday, so I want to put in as many hours as I can stand (which ain't many) so there's cash in my paycheck... and then I'm thinking it's absolutely necessary for me to take Thursday off before I self-destruct.

Bleh. I feel so terrible, I know I am a total bitch right now, it's hard to like myself in this moment!!

So I did call Pandora last night, she answered and sounded like she was sleeping, even though she insisted she was just "lying down." She has done this before and frankly, it's annoying- because it's obvious that she's tired, can't really follow what I'm saying so I have to repeat myself, and she talks so low and sleepily that I can't hear her. I would rather we just hang up and talk at another time when she's actually alert. It's just a pain.

In any case we got cut off in the midst of that conversation so it seems not meant to be. Besides the fact that she said she thought she had written back to me regarding my message about the upcoming party. I just don't feel very enthusiastic about her. I guess that means it's time to cut it.

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