the obsessive type [ 2010-11-11, 11:36 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

I guess I must just be the obsessive type. It probably has something to do with my childhood, not getting enough attention or something. But in the last few days I have felt like I'm severely missing G and that I wish I could see him or talk to him. Granted I recognize that I have felt this before and I know it is not necessarily indicative of any great destiny... although it brings to light just how hungry I am for some kind of deep connection or partnership... but as I said it doesn't seem to be from an adult place. Knowing that it's dangerous to expect that any romantic relationship can fix what I've going on, I have to find alternatives...

Not sure what that might be but I am going to Serena's class this weekend so maybe, I dunno, I can get some support from her or from Gia.

Meantime I am on my way to work once again. I went in yesterday and had a five hour meeting with the accountant; part of that included my direct superior. Then the accountant went to talk to the owner of the company who will for sure not be happy with what he has to say. There are many problems but one of the main ones is that the owner of the company won't let my boss (the executive director) do her job- he undermines her management at every turn, but she is actually more in touch with the company and its employees and she does know how to run a business. The owner thinks he knows what he is doing but he is just a big child that thinks that the checkbook is neverending and the credit cards are magical passes that never actually have to be paid back! Ridiculous.

In any case I have promised myself that I would not let this job cause any severe stress in my life since I already have had enough stress drain my body and soul, so I'm going back to that original thought. It really isn't worth me worrying about in the overall scheme of things. Sure it is helping me but technically I have my own business, and even if the pt job goes under, I would be able to perhaps get another pt job because of my recent experience.

And tomorrow is Steffy's bridal shower so I ordered her a cake and I am wondering if I should buy her some sort of gift (what I don't know...) it's all very crazy as usual one thing on top of another! But I guess that's the way I roll.

I really haven't felt well in the last few days, yesterday I had to come in even though I felt like I was coming down with something and wanted to lie in bed. I am still tired, still suffering from insomnia... I think I really need a vacation, is what I truly need.

Love,
Duck

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