Dear Diary,

I was feeling a little worse for wear upon waking up this morning... although I felt much better yesterday, I think all the traveling I had to do knocked me down a few notches. I got dressed, preparing to go to the chiropractor and the pt job, but realized I forgot my makeup mirror when I was about 100 yards away from the house. So I came back to get it and realized I just felt shitty, so I called and canceled both the appointment and going into work. Hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow.

I guess this is what I get for trying to push through last week when I wasn't feeling well. I probably could have stayed home one day and wouldn't have had to go through all the suffering I endured all weekend: note to self.

Okay. So I still have to go to work tonight, for myself. There is really no getting out of that, unfortunately. And it doesn't look like my presentation on Sunday will go through. So I might see about leaving earlier than planned to see family. Otherwise I could possibly schedule a daytime meeting, but I'm not even sure if I want to do that.

I really can't think straight until I feel better...

I have been extremely depressed about the state of myself. I used to dance and exercise regularly and now I spend most of my time sitting. I feel stiff and inflexible and... old! I hate it. Plus my overall energy is just depleted. I might feel like exercising if I had energy, but I just don't. I sleep poorly and feel tired all the time as a result. Things are really wrong with me-and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I know people like Michael and David want to help but they are not in my area and it's hard to get treatment or have a doctor if he's not easily accessible. Plus I know already that my diet is poor. I have been trying for years to cut down on things I am allergic to, like sugar and dairy. I know it would probably improve my health to do so, but I am addicted, as lame as that sounds. I can't seem to get the impetus to save myself, to eat well, lose a few pounds, and basically improve my quality of life- I guess like everyone else I just want it to magically get better without me having to change anything.

So, feeling a little bummed about all that. I tried to make today the first day that I am cutting out sugar. Of course it's easy because I am already not feeling well and barely have an appetite.

Trying to feel better about myself, and life.

Love,
Duck

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