Dear Diary,

Still struggling with getting over this sickness- waking up coughing in the middle of the night. I went into the pt job on Friday and endured that... it was hard but I had to go because things were piling up. I stayed until very late. Then Saturday was a whole day of presentations, which was also draining. I had thought I might go in today but I still wasn't feeling well, so even though the guilty part of me wanted to go, I stayed home. It means less money this pay period, but I'm hoping it will be a benefit to my health in the long run.

The highlight of the day: G and I had arranged to talk at 4pm. We talked for over an hour, random stuff, catching up. I still feel very excited about him- at one point he said something about me being his girlfriend and it just pleased my heart so much- granted I know we are "dating" and that means he is dating others and I know he's having sexual experiences and it doesn't much bother me. I feel there's some kind of special connection with us. I only start to freak out when I try to figure things out longterm- like when will things get more serious, will he commit to me, what about the age difference and the possibilities of having children- that doesn't seem to match up- and would he be monogamous, because do I want to be in a non-monogamous relationship again? When I try to figure these things out I get very agitated and afraid, I guess because I am trying to figure out the unknown. I am starting to think that one of my tasks is to just surrender to the unknown, because obviously nothing about my life has been the way I thought it would, so it seem the Universe has other plans for me.

We put a date on the calendar for December, I will go to his place, it is quite a trek but, he did the same thing last time. He asked if I would be around this week, and said he might call me Wednesday. It kind of excites me that he wants to talk again... I can't help it, I get giddy!

I also talked to Keith... I bought plane tickets to go visit him in March. It felt scary and like an incredible indulgence because it is a hunk of change, but also I don't go every year- basically I am down to going every other year. And really, I feel like I just need a vacation- a real one, where it is about resting and doing things I like and going to the beach and being in nature, with no one to take care of- not a trip to go to school or visit family or anything like that. And I am making more money now and that should continue.

So, that's that.

Well tomorrow I have to travel once again to be with family, hopefully I can have a night of rest.

Can I just say how much I am absolutely enjoying this season of Dexter? I just think the show is so well constructed this season- the pacing and everything. I am very impressed, and as you know I very rarely write about television. I really did think the whole series was over at the end of last season, and have been pleasantly surprised.

Love,
Duck

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