#2

Dear Diary,

Well I am in my way to buy my bus ticket and go to work and I am late, late, late. Oh well.

I went to bed a bit before dawn. I hope the bad insomnia isn't back. Maybe I am nervous about the cooking? Reminding myself not to be stressed. It's really just like cooking for family, when you get down to it. So no reason to freak out.

I wanted to purchase my ticket now because the chances of me running late on Thursday are extremely high. We know I am not a morning person.

G wrote back that everything is cool about me coming for a day and a half, so I guess that's all good... I don't really know how to feel about him. I like him, but it's hard to gauge his interest in me. There are so many factors here- age difference, long distance, non-exclusivity- that make things difficult. I can't really tell if there is a true capacity for closeness or if I am just one of many for him and he's only interested in "experience". The fact that he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to consumate our relationship COULD mean something- it could mean he is developing feelings for me... but it also could mean nothing. It's really too soon to tell and I don't know that we spend enough time together to talk about that frankly. In any case it is a challenge that constantly invites me to check in with myself and stay out of fantasy.

I am so very very tired and because of my late start I'm not completely certain that I will be able to get in all the hours I need to- truthfully I am tired of worrying about it and tired of worrying about my future- I guess I will just have to find another way to make it all work.

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