still digging, with teaspoon [ 2011-02-03, 2:03 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

So once again I started writing an entry yesterday but just didn't finish it (or save it, either). I don't know what's up with the poor updating skills.

Anyhow I was writing about this online dating site I joined. So far it's been an interesting adventure in noticing a lot about myself. One, the way I react to any positive attention. Two, how easily I can feel pressured and invaded. I'm sure there's more than one and two, but I'm pretty much consumed with those right now.

A little bit of venting: guys who can't have an IM session without inserting 3-4 Y0uTub3 links of themselves have a problem. Great, I'm glad you love your music and your band. But I don't want to date your band. Get that straight.

Next, I chatted with this guy and he seemed okay. So I said we could talk on the phone. He started sending me a message every day, asking what did I do today and maybe we could get together soon. Then before I could even respond to that one he would send another one the very next day. The latest said I should call or text (gaaah! Text!) and he was totally willing to come to my neighborhood on Saturday or Sunday. Dude, slow the fuck down. I mean, is it me, or is that a bit over the top... to me it feels invasive and possibly like this person will smother me as soon as he gets the chance. I finally wrote back this morning and said, "I have to take a step back, I appreciate your enthusiasm but I am not ready to meet." That was as tactful as I could be without saying: you are smothering me and you haven't even met me. In reality, I don't want anything to do with him anymore. When I went back and looked at his profile, I don't even see why I agreed to in the first place... I mean he seems average and nice enough but there's nothing that really pops out for me.

There was one guy that appealed to me and I initiated contact with him, we have exchanged a couple of messages- I liked the way his profile was written because it's obvious he's intelligent and has a sense of humor, he knows how to dance and just generally seems nice (as far as I can tell). He left for a month for work, and said he'd contact me when he got back. So possibility there but we just never know, do we?

In other news, Bethany gave me her gym card and I used it to go work out the other day- if you call 30 minutes on the elliptical "working out"- but hey, I figure you gotta start somewhere. I am really not liking the state of my body these days and my ever-burgeoning muffin top. Maybe it will improve my life. There are also yoga classes and things there and it wouldn't hurt me at all to get a little exercise.

My job sucks, everything kind of sucks, but the paycheck is coming in and I'll be able to send everybody a little money. So even though it feels like I'm digging myself out with a teaspoon, I'm still digging.

Love,
Duck

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