Hi Diary,

I'm having a little bit of an anxiety attack, so of course I thought I would write here. Will it help? Let's see- sometimes it does.

I stayed up too late last night, I guess by choice, and I really don't have a good excuse. I watched the last episode of Lost, and I could see why so many people thought it was disappointing. My only opinion is that white people seem obsessed with good vs. evil stories, but in such simplistic ways. It's not very interesting to me.

I was having some very intense dreams with Gia in them. I had a hard time waking up, but I made myself get up because I have to fly tomorrow and I don't want to completely upset the balance of my sleep. I have been working on website/work stuff and that's probably where the majority of my anxiety comes from- this thing is so far from my original vision that I often feel close to tears, then I think I just need to finish it and get certain things in place and it will be okay. I don't know, but it's a reason to stay home today, because I just need to finish it and if I go to pt job I will just be distracted and want to watch Netflix on my computer.

That job is depressing me, I made my 45 hours (hooray!) and I will once again have to work my ass off when I come back, but whatever. I have my big vacation in my sight for March- can I even afford it? Doesn't seem so at this point, but hopefully things will get better soon.

Shelby sent me another message- said he was in between work and I was on his mind, and he'd be around all weekend to talk. I guess I'm angry at him, and I should probably work on getting that out of the way before we have any conversation.

I don't know what I need right now, but I feel stressed and a bit like crumbling.

Love,
Duck

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