Dear Diary,

So last night I went to bed at 10:30pm. I had a headache and couldn't really last much longer than that. So tired! And I had a dream this morning that I was walking with Roc near some body of water, he jumped in and I said, "No, wait! Don't do that." Etc because there was a huge alligator in the water. He of course ran into it and then it was chasing him... and me? Can't really remember but there was a bit of panic trying to get away from an alligator.

In and out of sleep, I had another dream with a baby ram... yes it was a ram but such a small one. Serena was there and the ram butted up against her, then it ran over and butted up against John. We all laughed because he was just so little. John returned with a "ram" of his own- he butted the baby ram's head with a fork.

Here's what the dream dictionary had to say:

"To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take on a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the physical, material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities. An alligator also suggests that you are thick-skinned or insensitive.

To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge and owning up to."

I can't really think of a situation that's happening right now where I might be on the brink of treachery or deceit- but the fact that the dream also involved Roc. So maybe it's about him. I think last night I was thinking about him right before I went to bed- I was thinking- well he is cool in a way, so why can't we just be friends? It's obvious we can't be in a relationship, but couldn't we just hang out?

Maybe the dream was trying to tell me that's not possible. Although I don't believe Roc is "evil" or purposefully deceitful in any way... I think he deceives himself more than anyone.

For the second dream, I found this:

"To see a ram in your dream, signifies aggression, energy, and impulsiveness. You may be pursuing a decision that should be approached with more tact and consideration."

Hmm. I'm not sure why Serena was there... but usually when she shows up I think she is teaching me something. Interestingly enough I have been thinking about John too. He has made himself scarce and at first he said something about being sensitive to a bunch of stuff and not wanting to leave the house. But now I notice I am not seeing him much at all and starting to think he is purposefully avoiding me. I was wondering about this and there was a presentation I wanted to observe and was thinking about asking him if that would be okay... but maybe I am angry at him? I'm not sure. Maybe I am angry at Serena too? Or maybe there's just something here about trying to force the situation. Even though it was a very small ram and we all thought it was funny. Who knows?

In any case maybe it's wise to hold off on contacting either one of these people.

I called LilyB today- haven't spoken to her in a very, very long time. We had a great conversation, I have really missed her. I hope we can get together soon.

I don't know how tonight is going to go... but I don't want to worry about it either. I am done with stress.

p.s. Still doing well on the no sugar thing...!

Love,
Duck

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