Dear Diary,

I know I haven't written in awhile, things have been very busy. Sunday I left town, my flight was late though and I was dealing with weekend transportation so by the end of all that I was pretty spent. Gia got me at the bus, and we went home and watched a DVD. Thomas came home at some point and joined us in watching it. I knew I should have gone to bed early but I just couldn't resist cuddling up with my friends.

Had to get up early the next day for class with Serena, and afterward I had a study group with some other students which made for a long day. The study group was fun though- one of the girls brought a really delicious dinner, and we all just ended up laughing a whole lot.

I had to take care of some loose ends and fly the next morning to go see Keith. I woke up in the morning with a sore throat. Oh no! By the time I took all my flights I was truly tired. Keith picked me up and we quickly got a little something to eat, went to the store, and home to watch a movie. When I woke up the next morning I had a very high fever and couldn't go out all day... so much for my first day of vacation!

The next day I felt much better and we did go out to the beach, to some stores and to sit by a stream. I was looking for a wedding present for Steffy. If you remember the last time Keith was at my house he developed the weird obsessive crush thing he does on Steffy... well he started doing it again, really pressuring me to choose certain things for her, saying things like, "I could take a little video of you getting in the stream and you could send it to Steffy." I didn't really want a video taken of me. Also, Steffy and I really not THAT close that any of Keith's ideas made sense. He just goes into a complete fantasy world about her and it's boring for me to try to follow his dream about this person he doesn't even know.

In any case we stopped at the market and Keith said he was very concerned about me being in the cold market so he encouraged me to quickly get the food I needed and wait for him outside. Well I did, and was waiting and waiting... and waiting. He was just supposed to get a few things for himself and come out too, but 20 minutes went by, no Keith and I was really getting hungry and irritated. Finally I saw him through the window talking to the checkout girl, I am not kidding when I tell you that took an additional ten minutes. By the time he came out I was so ravenously hungry I was grouchy. Keith of course, having no sense of time, had stopped to talk to everyone he knew and flirt with the checkout girl.

When we got home, I stayed in and watched movies while Keith went out dancing. That part was fine. When he got home all he could talk about was this woman he met, of course she was another younger woman and he was just doing his obsessive thing about her. He proclaimed that they both had similar childhoods and that unlike his friend here (that he had a weird obsessive thing about for many years, and she constantly took advantage of him), this woman knew how to give back. Basically the poor dear was making a whole lot of assumptions about this woman he'd met in one night and fantasizing about the future friendship. Having a lot of experience with fantasy myself, and knowing how disappointing reality can be, I tried to bring Keith's attention to various points of reality, with little success.

In the morning Keith woke up with a sore throat. Nobody was very surprised, I certainly wasn't because all he constantly spoke about for the past few days was his fear of getting sick. In my experience people who do that always get sick. In any case it meant a day where Keith refused to leave the house and I was pretty stuck, the bus wasn't running in the morning. I went for a walk, and later in the day took the bus to and from town to see a guy I know sing in a band. It was good to get out and be with other people, because staying at home with Keith mostly consisted of trying to have a normal conversation but constantly being interupted by phrases like, "She said blah blah blah." and I would say, "Who said that?" because it seemed totally unrelated to what we were talking about and I had no idea of who he was speaking of.

As I said, having experience of falling in love and fantasizing about people immediately, I gently reminded Keith that it's good to stay connected to oneself even when loving another, so one doesn't get lost. Well, he got really mad at me, and went on some tirade about how he hates Serena and doesn't trust her teachings, she doesn't know anything. I hadn't said anything about Serena, and I said as much; that not losing oneself was something I had learned about through experience- I was speaking from myself. But Keith was still angry because apparently he felt that I was challenging his ideas that love IS something to get lost in. That's when I realized that Keith's concept of love will always be entwined with pain, and he seems okay with that, so I should leave it alone. I was totally non-reactive to his upset, but happy to leave the house.

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