Dear Diary,

My day off- I woke up at the usual time, but really have been lying around in bed. I judge myself for not being more productive- but the truth is I am tired, tired of doing so much for others and feeling like I have little to no time for myself.

I did return one work call (left a message) and I did have a conversation with Gia. I feel like I got clear on some things I needed to sort out with her. We talked about what happened the last time I was there, she said she realized what she was saying at the time wasn't really helping, but she didn't know what to do. So we agreed on that. It is probably one of the first friendships of my life that I have such clarity and clear communication, and sometimes it is really scary. In a way that exhausted me for the rest of the day.

I walked to the grocery store and got a few items for eating, made some lunch. And that's about it. Now I'm doing dishes and packing my suitcase, telling myself I will not go crazy about trying to clean the house before I leave. The rent is paid and I'll be back on Tuesday- so no big deal, really. I can leave it a mess for the weekend, right?

Still turning over in my brain how exactly I would like to change my life- quit the pt job? Would it make a difference, or would I just go back to making the same amount of money with my own business? We could see.

The dress I bought myself for going off sugar for a week? Doesn't really fit. Used to be my size, but no more... too small. I would like to think that if I carry on, I could be that size again. However after more than a month of not eating sugar and I don't think I've really lost any weight. At least that's what the scale at work says.
I'm feeling pretty tired, kind of down, and like I don't have the capacity to do anything. But this is how I always feel, and somehow I manage to get through it all.

So, onward.

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