Okay Diary,

I am not even sure what happened here, just... a ton of time gone by.

So, I'll pick up where I left off. Last when I wrote I was at work feeling sick and needing to get on a plane... yes, well, I ate garlic for a couple days straight and managed not to get sick. It seems to be the thing that works! I don't know why I forgot to do that when I went to visit Keith... but I don't intend to ever forget again!

Spent Saturday with Nia and the kids. It was kind of a long day and I have realized that I feel pretty exhausted most times hanging out with either Nia or Stacy, but not when I hang out with Gia and Thomas. Maybe they are just better for me?

In any case, Saturday- a lot of walking, kids in the park, all of that. Nia and I tried to take little naps. Then we got ready for her birthday party that night. It was held in a restaurant, only twenty of us were there and it was a four-course meal and lots of wine. Pretty fancy, but that's how Nia and Lee roll.

A weird thing happened... when we first got there Lee had forgotten the wine openers. Since he and Nia were the hosts, I said no problem, I will drive back to the house and get them, you stay here, and I will take the neighbor for directions so I won't get lost. Now, a little note: I am a very responsible driver. Meaning, I don't speed, I do the speed limit and go slow in neighborhoods. I always check my blind spots and am doubly cautious, because I am driving someone else's car. When I drove back to the house with the neighbor, she was all supportive and giving me directions and whatnot.

We got back to the party, everyone drinking except me. The food was outrageously good. All was well. Nia looked radiant and happy that the night was all about her. At the end of the night I'm driving them and the neighbor back home, as soon as we get in the car, the neighbor starts to humiliate me, telling Nia and Lee that I only go 15 miles an hour, and basically inferring- I dunno- that I am some kind of bad driver or something? It was really a strange dynamic, how she just ripped into me that way, and it felt terrible. I didn't say anything, but it felt really shitty; like some kind of betrayal- she was so supportive of me driving in a strange neighborhood earlier, but then she totally disses me in front of my friends?

In any case I guess I buried that inside and that's very much how I would do it as my old self... I talked to a few people about it since then, Gia suggested that she was probably just drunk and drunk people say stupid things, but I don't know. Some people, like the owner of pt job, just seem to have the tendency to think being humorous equals humiliating somebody.

So that was Saturday. Sunday was more kids, more craziness, and I had to go to study group in the afternoon. Then back to Nia and Lee's for dinner. They have a nanny now that lives at the house, they made a point of saying she hardly eats anything but Lee told me he found lots of candy wrappers and cupcake containers tucked into the outside garbage. He was kind of laughing it off like it was the type of thing young girls do, but I am rather suspicious that she may have an eating disorder. It is definitely eating disorder behavior, and I can imagine that it's hard for her to be away from home.

Monday was class with Serena, which was good, but lately I have been having headaches after class. Then a study group afterward- so lots of work. Tuesday had a session with Gia and she was pretty hard on me- emphasizing that I have to eat better and change my diet. I know all this but I resist so much. Somehow there is a part of me that believes I will do it later, or I don't really have to do it... that I don't have to eat vegetables to feel better? I'm not sure what it is. But I know I have to do something differently. I am really overweight and unhappy.

Came home Tuesday night and B was kind enough to pick me up. Yesterday I worked practically all day at the pt job, and today was my day off. Marva and Bethany and I went to a museum, and we had a late lunch. I kept thinking I should go to work, but then I told myself I need a little time off, or else I become homicidal.

And so it is.

Love,
Duck

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