wanting truly clean breaks [ 2011-06-07, 9:39 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

At Thomas and Gia's now... for the past couple days been feeling awful. The plane did not do much for my congestion. I arrived at study group, but was so leaky and gross they asked me to sit outside so I wouldn't get anyone else sick. Shit. After a couple hours of that I was simply exhausted, and ready to go home. I got dropped off here and went to bed early.

I had made arrangements to get a ride from someone other than David and I texted him so. I knew I still had to talk to him though, but I realized too that I didn't have to be as mad as I was originally. Got to class, it was a slow day and even though I had been feeling better after about ten hours of sleep, I started feeling worse and worse as the day progressed. At lunch I spoke to David briefly and we discussed what happened and he got it and apologized. I decided I did not have enough energy to go to the evening study group, plus I felt like I was getting my period, so I got a ride home. Thomas and Gia came home on the early side, made dinner, and I didn't last too long after that.

So you can imagine, between cramps and coughing, most unrestful night ever! And today I am just feeling shitty about my own neediness and how I felt about seeing G last weekend. Realizing that deep in my mind was my little girl hope that G would see me and want to be with me again. Feeling transparent about my own unhappiness and that he could probably sense it. Just hating my own vulnerability and wishing I knew how to make truly clean breaks with people.

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