Dear Diary,

I tell myself that it is a good thing to lie in bed all day and cry about a surgery that took place 15 years ago, but on some level it's hard to believe.

I tell myself that it's really okay that I binged last night and today. That even though I bought that frosting so I could make cupcakes for my coworkers who are quitting, and I just ate the whole container in less that 24 hours, that it's okay.

Because my feelings are that big, that unresolved, and whatever helps in the moment is okay. To my own credit I did try other avenues... I called Serena but she was busy and told me to call her today. A little too late, maybe. Or maybe it's okay. Frosting, so what, big deal. I just need to move on to the next moment, keep going, comfort myself somehow, let myself cry.

I don't know who else to talk to at this time because I'm not really sure who can hear me around this particular problem. Gia is okay for some things but there is a certain lack of compassion sometimes, like I don't think she's ever been nearly as traumatized as me and doesn't get it.

So right now it's just me. Doing my best.

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