Dear Diary,

I don't know where I got lost again... last Friday was a very rough day. I thought I might make it out to one of the lakes but I didn't. I ended up staying at home and never going out. It was like I couldn't get out of my own way, emotionally. I did start cleaning up, mainly in one corner of my living room, so I guess that is good. I worked on Saturday and then cleaned more on Sunday and worked at night too.

Things are still not perfect, house-wise, but I guess they are slowly getting better. Slowly. I'm boxing all the things I don't want anymore to give away either to charity or as gifts. In any case I need to relax because in truth my housecleaning is not the most important thing. I have a lot of heavy shit on my plate right now.

I went to dance classes and exercise classes all week. Had physical therapy yesterday and it very definitely left me feeling raw. It's like my body works very hard during those sessions to correct whatever has been frozen or wrong, then afterward I am exhausted. I realize from now on I need to schedule that at the end of the day so I can just go home and rest afterward. I felt very bingey last night and definitely emotionally blown out and all over the place. I just have so much grief in my body, it is hard to manage sometimes. I made several calls for help but not too many people were home, only one friend had a couple of minutes before a party.

Today, I allowed myself to take it easy. Didn't go to pt job even though I need the money, but I also needed time to do some more housecleaning and also make up some packages that I need to mail out.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of one step at a time, I guess.

Love,
Duck

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