Dear Diary,

If you were wondering, my people didn't show. Instead she texted me at about 3:30 to tell me that it was the kind of day that was right for staying home, but that I could come over to their place if I wanted. I said I would, but first I went to lie in the sun for about an hour- vitamin D, you know? Then I went to their place.

And this is the irony- after the five hours I spent cleaning my apartment- dusting surfaces, organizing, trying to make it look "normal"? Their place was a complete wreck. A hundred times worse than my place. I remember she had mentioned that they lived in her grandmother's house and were in some kind of argument with her mother because she wanted them to pay rent but at the same time refused to make any repairs... so their whole family is in a stalemate about the whole thing.

Where to begin? Piles of dusty unused stuff all in the downstairs. No functional kitchen, and the door was kept shut so not really sure what they didn't want me to see. The toilet doesn't flush- she told me if I needed to do any serious business I would need to plunge it. The whole situation in there was basically a health hazard, they had several bottles of bleach near the toilet and I'm thinking maybe that's how they try to control it. Upstairs, you have to go through a room with a filthy carpet and more piles that smell like a catbox, and then you get to the room they live in- with a big clean bed, but everything kind of a shambles around it. A hotplate to cook food on (remember, no kitchen), piles of DVDs all around.

My reaction? Really nothing. It suddenly clicked for me that she had told me about the house but I hadn't actually pictured it this way. And, I know enough about living in mess and having someone over, I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. At the same time I was feeling like I wish I could help because it is ultimately depressing to work at a job you don't even like and then come home to such chaos. Really I don't think I'd be able to live with that toilet situation for more than a day. Just noticing the irony of my day made quite an impression.

We ordered food and watched two movies, then I went home... they said the buses wouldn't be running so well, so I ended up taking a cab home. More money, more money spent.

Then today I had a hard time waking up. Finally got my act together and went to pt job. One of the girls from the lake having a birthday party, I was invited and checked "maybe" and mentioned that perhaps I could get a ride with another friend on FB, then he was all about arranging it so I couldn't even back out. So next thing you know I am racing to the train because the bus isn't running today and I have to quickly buy SOMETHING to bring to this party and spend a wad on expensive cupcakes and train ticket... more money, more money...

But overall I am glad I went. A bunch of people from the lake showed up, and I am trying to feel like part of a community, so... Also, it all reminded me of being in my twenties and just having friends that decided to go somewhere and do something at the last minute, not knowing where the place is but we will just figure it out and more importantly we are hanging together. That never happens in my life anymore, mostly just go to the same places with the same people.

So I went and it was this crazy house full of artsy kids and loud music, and it was fun. The friend who picked me up has a new gf so I got to meet her and she was totally trying to be my wingman with this English guy- he wasn't interested though. G was there too and we had some fun exchanges, he ended up driving me to the train so I could get home tonight. I feel like he still gets a kick out of me, and he even complimented my outfit. I'm not sure how I feel about him though- not too wistful, I guess. Maybe medium wistfulness.

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