Dear Diary,

I know the stretches are getting longer and longer between updates. I don't know why- I just don't have the same zeal as I once had. It's okay though, maybe it will return.

On Wednesday afternoon one of my colleagues took me for a boat ride on one of the closer lakes. The day turned cloudy and it started to rain, so we ended up turning back early and going out to dinner. I thought about steak but since my colleague was paying, I ordered chicken. Which turned out to have breading on it, which is bad for me. Also, it was dry as shit. Disappointing all around.

The next day I went to my friend's lakehouse. Well, what I thought was her lakehouse turned out to be pretty far from the lake. She was leaving for vacation and suggested I come and stay at her place. It wasn't quite what I pictured. I ended up walking a lot, getting some sun, and reading about six books. The part about not having to go to work or do anything for anybody- that was nice. The part where I got bad cramps on Sunday was not so nice... my friend came back and we hung out a little bit. She didn't seem to mind waiting on me and getting me whatever I needed as I wasn't feeling well. She even went to the store and bought six candy bars so I could have chocolate. I ended up staying over one more night and then I went home the next morning. By the time I hit home, I had some pretty bad cramps and went to meet Pia for lunch because that was the original plan. I am so not about food when I feel like this, but I did have a glass of wine. Yes. For lunch. It helped a lot.

Afterward I thought I'd be able to go to pt job but there was still an underlying sickness under the wine. So I just went home.

And that is why I had to get up extra early yesterday and go to work for 8 hours, and why I worked 9 hours today. There wasn't much to do, of course. Afterward I had a dance practice with a friend for two hours.

I feel like I've gained weight again from my various binges. I guess I am still struggling. I have a phone appointment on Friday with another counselor. I'm thinking that she could be very good for me. I have hope, anyway. I really want to change.

Love,
Duck

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