Dear Diary,

I guess there's not much happening in my life because I have been noticing that I am spending way too much time fantasizing about some guy who recently contacted me on FB.

We went to high school together and, although I don't even remember talking to him, I did have a little crush on him in the 10th or 11th grade. He was super shy and kind of a skater dude.

So we've been writing back and forth and I confessed my crush and he admitted to liking me too. I had a feeling that that might have been the case anyway. And you know of course that I looked through all his photos and he is better looking now than he was in high school- less dorky for sure and in great shape, wiry the way I like my guys. And you are also aware that I am coming up on the anniversary of 4 years of no sex (not for lack of trying!) and I am horny as hell so yes, I have been fantasizing about him. Madly. He doesn't live anywhere near me but he does live about 15 miles away from Petra and Michael.

Incidentally when I was talking to Petra the other night she mentioned that Michael was willing to pay for my ticket to come out there if I would do some consultation with his son. I guess Michael is trying a new tactic since his guilt trips and such weren't working on me and I just kept suggesting that if they wanted to see me so bad they should come and visit me at my house.

In any case I would love to see Petra and Michael and I have to admit that knowing this guy is also close by sweetens the deal. I really, really want to have sex, okay? Not only that but he is intelligent and seems pretty sweet (definitely was sweet and dorky in high school). And I want a boyfriend. That is also true. Somebody who has some substance and some drive and is not so incredibly broken that I have to fix him. That would be really, really nice.

So. He has already said that if I come to town he will take me out and show me around. And I have just been using my very active imagination to think of some other things we could do as well.

I haven't gotten much sleep the last few days. I realize that I really need to arrange my schedule and not work so much at my time of the month. It is too hard on me and I end up feeling totally drained and exhausted. I was starting to feel fuzzy and like I was going to pass out at work. I'm not even sure how well I packed my suitcase because there was a point where my brain just couldn't. Wouldn't. Work. And I'm wondering if that's why I did what I did today...

I had an early morning flight. I got up at 5am. After a few nights in a row of maybe four or five hours a night, and working double shifts. And as I was checking in, the option to upgrade to first class came up and you know what? Without a thought I clicked that box and swiped my card and next thing you know I was in first class being served a real breakfast and able to recline back enough so I could actually sleep without my head bobbing all over the place and waking me up.

Now considering my current money situation this makes no sense at all but I really didn't panic or second guess, I just did it. So I really don't know what that's about but I'm also really over stressing and, well really I have no good answer for my behavior. I do have to admit though I felt like I got better rest than I would have in coach.

Lee picked me up and we went and got some sandwiches. We didn't do much other than lie down and watch a movie and took turns falling asleep. Nia came home and we all went outside and played with the kids and then went to a diner for dinner. I do miss the time I spend with them, the kids are getting really big...

Anyway, a big day tomorrow, class with Serena.

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