#3

Dear Diary,

It's been such a long day of doing nothing, trying to rest and get better. I spoke with Gail but I have trouble just TALKING to her- she has this overwhelming need to tell me what to do, how I should handle something. Maybe her heart is in the right place but sometimes her voice is just too loud, she is talking and talking without listening, telling me what she thinks and it feels like she is shoving a bunch of her energy at me. That's the only way I can describe it.

Lately, she has been telling me that she "gets" that I am really done with Serena's class and that it is time for me to just create something here for myself. A lot of times Gail can be very intuitive about things but on this one I feel she is all wrong. Everytime she says something like that MY intuition tells me that she is very jealous of me studying with Serena (she has been since the beginning) and she wants me to stop because she feels it will level the playing field somehow. I also get that she wants me to be less busy and more available to her. She always slips in how I should move to her town and share a house together, which I don't, and never have wanted to do. Like if she pushes me hard enough it will somehow happen without me noticing, because she willed it to be so.

None of that has anything to do with me. Gail often complains of boredom and wanting a girlfriend around. She is my friend, but there is a lot about her that is self-centered and childish. I am getting better about having boundaries with her but I'm not perfect.

I wrote back to HSC and made sure my response was shorter... I put a call in to Shelby to try to set up a working session with him too. We might have to talk about the friendship aspect, which never happened, but I am intent on healing myself.

Feeling a bit better as the day draws to a close, and hoping for even better health tomorrow.

Love,
Duck

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