Dear Diary,

A night full of weird dreams. One, I was in a truck with some guy, I think he had kidnapped me. The other guy in the truck seemed to be my boyfriend or lover, but he was embarrassing. He was wearing very high-waisted pants like a matador, and a white ruffled shirt that was open, exposing his smooth muscular chest. But he looked ridiculous (and I guess was embarrassing me in front of our kidnapper?!). I said to him, "Maybe you should close your shirt." He said, "Why?" and I tried to make a joke out of it by saying, "Because I want to bite it," and playfully pretended to bite his chest. Anyway, back to the kidnapping... next thing I knew I was in the BACK of the truck, I was hunched over and the truck was spinning around and around and people were shooting machine guns, I was avoiding the bullets. Yes, apparently another dream with machine guns! It must have had a nightmare flavor to it because I woke up with a start and felt kind of disturbed. Then I had another dream which again, involved a bunch of my childhood friends (grown up now). One of them was baking a bunch of cakes and I asked why she was doing that (I think I was also chowing down on Oreos at the time). She responded that she was baking them because I was having surgery next week. That's when I discovered that my parents (who were also there in the dream) had scheduled me for a surgery. I was very upset, it was some kind of surgery having to do with some glands near my pelvis? At any rate I was scared, upset, and wanted to explore options with my natural doctors. I felt betrayed by my parents and aware that somehow my bingeing had played a part in my poor health. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to alter my eating and just felt powerless and sad.

So, kind of heavy stuff to wake up to!! But somehow I managed. I had to squeeze a private client in today before going to my presentation, so I showered and cleaned up the place. The session went okay and luckily I had more than enough time to get to work. The presentation also went well and I could have stayed to schmooze, but I am still trying to recover. I have a heavy feeling in my lungs still, and get easily winded. I have a long day of work tomorrow and I don't want to be feeling any worse.

So some very interesting news is that my dad bought me a new laptop! Well I don't think it is brand new but I know he was looking at refurbished ones with Bud. I haven't seen it yet because we decided the safest thing to do would be to mail it to my pt job, since someone is always there during the day. But I have not been back there since I left on Wednesday feeling so bad. I just didn't have the energy to make it in there on Thursday or Friday. And I scored my private client at the last minute for today, so I didn't go in today either. I've had my current laptop for almost 6 years and it's lasted well, however it is too old and out of date and the software has been updated as far as it can go... plus it's just getting a little hinky and slow. So I'm looking forward to the new one!

I'm feeling okay, made enough to pay rent as of today and there is still work tomorrow. I do have to lie down and get better asap! But at least I am not stressed about that part.

Love,
Duck

p.s. It's now officially been four years since I've had sexual intercourse. But I will love myself anyway.

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