Hi Diary,

Back at home since Saturday night. I was so exhausted and feeling like I was on the verge of getting sick. I went to pt job and did one or two things (literally). Most of the staff is gone now on a trip for over a week. That's the best, in my opinion. Partially because there are only 1 or 2 other people there at any one time, no one is in my face or tracking me or bothering me.

I spent all day Sunday in my pajamas and not doing much. Although Henry and I had talked about him maybe coming over after exercise class, so I knew I had to clean a little bit. Also, I was aware that cleaning up would probably help me to feel better. I made some phone calls while I did some dishes and basic cleaning. Then I went to bed and slept nine hours. Then I woke up and fell back asleep for another 1.5 hours. Whew! So tired.

I had some dreams, most of them I can't remember. One was organizing bottles of tinctures. I had two bottles that were "wellness formulas" and I was very conscious that I wanted to "take one with me" (wherever I was going). So I very consciously chose the formula I wanted and was placing the bottles in rows on a chair... a chair that I remember from my childhood. I don't remember much else about my dreams...

I ate eggs for breakfast even though I hate making and eating eggs for breakfast. But I am really determined to lose some weight. I need to lose 20 pounds to even be reasonable. I'm not saying that out of vanity either... I'm really in poor health right now. I feel like shit physically and emotionally.

I went to physical therapy, which I think was helpful. I've been so stressed that my digestive system has been in an uproar. Afterward I went to pt job. None of the regular staff was there, it was all independent contractors, and Mr. Dark Chocolate was there. I was SO CLOSE to asking him if he had a girlfriend and (if not) giving him my phone number, but then he mentioned that he would be back tomorrow morning. I thought I should wait until then, because what if I propositioned him and he said no, and then I would have to see him in the morning? Now that I think about it that might have been a poor excuse because I don't even know what time I'm going to make it in there tomorrow. Hmm.

I went to exercise class. Henry was only there for half the time and he had to go home, so he didn't stay over. Pam didn't show up at all, I don't know if she has abandoned the class altogether. Tim was there and had to deal with me from a teaching standpoint. He still barely makes eye contact and is weird overall. I gave him a top to give to Pam- I told her I had something she might like and then I have brought it to class a few times but she is never there when I bring it. It's bizarre. Maybe she has quit for good especially since I left that message two weeks ago. All in all I'm kind of amused that I make them so uncomfortable, but I know that's not very cool. Anyhow, it still makes me sad that we can't be friends. Oh well oh well.

After class I went to the grocery store and bought a lot of meat and vegetables. Gonna try it again.

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