somebody's looking out [ 2012-03-21, 11:13 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

I woke up early this morning and tried to get back to sleep. The whole Alphie/Marie/Ben thing has been on my mind. I realized that I am afraid of what might happen. I was pretending that I was cuddled up with Shelby, because that is one person my mind references when I think of being safe. When I was with Shelby I could fall right asleep even when I was an insomniac.

Anyhow I was imagining this and I fell back asleep and had a dream. I was at Stacy's house trying to keep track of all my clothes and stuff. I guess I got confused because I was aware that I am packing and purging my stuff so I can go somewhere else, and it seemed that part of me thought Stacy was leaving her space too. There was a book that was glued onto her cupboard and I took it off, ripping one end off in the process. Stacy came in and saw that I had taken the book down but she didn't seem to notice that I had ripped it. She said, "Oh, that's the watercolor book that everybody contributes to," (or something to that effect) and the tone of her voice was that she hadn't wanted it to be removed. So then I was trying to figure out how to get it back up there.

Somehow the scene changed and Stacy and I were walking outside in some gardens with bridges and streams. I was trying to slip my head through this tunnel-type thing, I determined that I couldn't fit through that space. Just as i was going to confess that I damaged her book, Stacy knelt down to try to squeeze through and then she got stuck. She turned around facing up and the next thing you know the surface we were on turned into a boat. A guy at Stacy's head was driving (her head was still stuck in the hole). He was going too fast and I kept telling him to slow down. Both Stacey and I were scared. The day changed to night and as we were speeding along I noticed there were tons and tons of stars in the sky. They started to swirl around and starstuff was flying around in little clouds. I realized it was a magical dimension and I shouted so with delight. I reached up my hand and captured some starstuff, it was not wet but moved like liquid with shiny particles of sparking green and silver. I saw two drops form from above and come down. The third drop I caught in my mouth and then I was immediately FULL. It was like drinking liquid light that expanded and filled my whole body.

I woke up with a feeling of wonder and played the dream over and over in my mind. I almost fell back asleep for five minutes and I think I dreamt of Gail telling me something but I can't remember now. In any case I felt like this dream was telling me I am supported even after I make a mistake that hurts a friend and things are speeding dangerously out of control.

Somebody's looking out for me.

Love,
Duck

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