Dear Diary,

I forgot to mention that one of the new things I am trying to do is not eat any big meals after 7pm... if I do have to eat, I will have vegetables or fruits... something simple like a nut butter on celery. I did well for two nights, and tonight went a little later but I did eat before 8pm. I am noticing that I feel less heavy in general, and I guess that may help me lose weight, since I tend to sometimes make dinner when I get home at 10pm or later, and that's no good.

Also a lot of my emotional/sugar binge eating seems to happen at night. I discovered a new gluten-free cookie, and I've also discovered that I cannot eat just one or two- I have to eat the whole box. Therefore I am an addict. I think the other night I ate two whole boxes. I am an addict. Okay. I get it. Tonight I bought lettuce, broccoli, and some other good things but also a box of the same cookies, because I was STARVING... coming home from pt job... I should have packed a lunch AND dinner like I did yesterday. So apparently I need to eat every three hours or so otherwise I will get cookies on the way home and eat them on the bus/walk home within 15 minutes because I am desperately hungry. And I was watching myself eating cookies and noticing, cookies deaden my tastebuds and they rob other foods of their flavor, so then I tend not to be interested in other healthier foods. Just noticing all this, and hopefully I will remember it the next time I have the urge to buy cookies... but also, I think if I pack my lunch and dinner to take to work, and make sure I eat at regular intervals, I will do better.

It's all learning, right?

Yesterday I went to the hypnotist and it was a little bit of a letdown... I wasn't sure what I was expecting but, maybe I am not that hypnotizable. I have been to a hypnotist a couple times in my life. Once in my twenties after my surgery but I think I was so traumatized that I actually couldn't relax enough to be hypnotized. And once a couple years ago where I believe it worked, but the whole time I was still kind of wondering if I was indeed hypnotized and and also I was annoyed with the hypnotist the whole time. It was much the same this time. The lady put earphones on me and talked into a microphone so it was as if she were hovering an inch over my face the whole time- kind of unsettling for me. I guess I just must feel so intruded upon most of the time in my life, because I really hate hypnotists and their suggestions. I think I feel invaded. Hmm.

Anyway we worked on the subject of money and I did cry an awful lot so hopefully something good will come of it.

I have gone to pt job a few hours every day so the hours are racking up. Finally some money came in too so it looks like I will have a paycheck next week.

One step at a time, one step at a time.

I haven't finished my application yet for the work study program and I am not really sure when I want to start... I get to pick my own date basically... I often agonize over decisions. So I called ZZ and asked if she would help me by maybe suggesting when is the best time for me. Everyday I am trying to get closer by making a call or an appointment or doing something that will get me closer to my goal.

One step at a time!

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