Dear Diary,

I started an entry but it was eaten by cyberspace, long ago. I know that I used to update twice a day, but lately my entries seem to be about the same thing- hating my job, feeling lost and stuck. There's not much of an inspiration to write, and I feel, well, maybe ashamed? And bored with myself.

But things have been happening. I went to the lake for a whole week to support the teenagers and then the 20-somethings. It was really great. I had a new cooking partner this year and that worked out really well, as the whole time I really didn't feel any stress at all. It was actually a nice week because I didn't feel the pressure of trying to make things work or going to a job that I hate or anything like that. I could just wake up, be very clear about my duties and go through my day and that was it.

I am really at the end of my rope as far as being here. I guess it was unrealistic to think I would stay the summer and into the fall? I just don't want to do any of it anymore. I don't want to live in this apartment, I don't want to work at either of my jobs, I don't want to do anything that I've been doing. I'm not sure exactly where I want to be or what I want to be doing, but I know it's not this. Basically at this point I feel like I can't wait to be out of here!!

But, here I stay. Even though I canceled one of my presentations yesterday and went to the movies and a long walk in the park with Freddy. I just don't want to do presentations for 3 people where I pay more in rent money than I make.

I am tired. I am tired from the moment I wake up and I feel like my body is starving for sleep. I'm not sure that the sleep I'm getting is actually restful. I know my adrenals are burnt out and I guess it is finally sinking in for me that this is indeed what that feels like...

Well now I have to go to pt job whether I like it or not (and you know I don't), so I guess I'll see you later.

Love,
Duck

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