Dear Diary,

I gave my notice at work... my boss seemed sad and a little stressed out. Apparently they think I do a lot there... at least, I have been more dependable than the other lame-ass bookkeepers they have had - I file my papers and pay all the bills and reconcile the accounts and actually keep track of things, I guess that's quite a feat!

In any case, I found myself feeling sad and scared... like I didn't want to leave, which doesn't even make any sense.

Otherwise I am hardly working, and have very little money. I went to the lake for the long weekend and hardly got any sleep at all. It was great to see all my people and hang out, but I have an underlying exhaustion that does not go away, so that is a bit rough. Over the weekend I developed two really painful lumps in my left breast. By Monday it was red and hot....

I just figured this was a sign that I have been overdoing it again. I talked to Emily and she reminded me that she had given me a lymphatic tea and also I could do a castor oil and heating pad thing. I talked to a couple of other people- Callie, who is a naturopathic doctor- and what I realized is that we have been programmed to majorly freak out about our breasts. I have had a lump before and it disappeared in less than a week. So I was not freaking out or anything but some of my friends were freaking out. My m.o. was to get lots of rest, drink the lymphatic tea, do the castor oil and heating pad, and if things didn't improve over a couple of days, call my doctor and see what she said to do, make a thermography appt and get a referral for a specialist... in that order if things were not getting better.

As it happened, the inflammation went away and the lumps (or maybe it's one blockage that I could feel in two places) has gone down and is almost gone. I'm still going to mention it to my doctor when next I see her, but it's definitely better.

Yesterday Will came over with a bunch of boxes, bubble wrap and packing peanuts and he helped me pack a bunch of stuff. Even though we worked for a few hours it doesn't look like much got done, but I started taking stuff off the walls and the feeling started to be, "Oh, shit, this is really happening!" I am really moving out. Sometimes I forget why...

And then I try to remember, I am unhappy, consistently broke, and needing a change.

It will be okay, right?

Love,
Duck

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