Dear Diary,
Today I had my first real taste of moving stress.
Yesterday one of my young friends from the lake came over and helped me do a bunch of stuff. Not really packing, per se, but finishing projects that I mentally need to have finished before I leave.
She slept over and in the morning we met with another friend and had a late breakfast. They are both young, twenty-something girls from wealthy Jewish families who just got their "own apartments" - meaning places to live where their families own property- and they are getting started in their new places. It is fun to see their excitement.
When they left Emily and Pansy came over to help pack. I felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect of having TWO people here when I am not sure where to start myself. I gave Pansy the job of emptying out the drawers of my hutch and and organizing things in small boxes. Emily wrapped glass things and then some wine glasses. Emily was kind of annoying to me though. She seemed kind of judgmental about how I was packing and she kept trying to pack kitchen things... like a cheese grater and a can opener and my one sharp chopping knife... I said, please don't pack those, I need those to cook for the next 2 weeks. And she wanted to argue with me, saying, "If you save everything you will be packing on the last day!" Uh, well I still have to cook and eat and I have clothes and tons of other stuff to pack, but she was harping about these kitchen utensils not seeming to get it that I actually had to use the stuff.
She was pulling her usual Emily know-it-all stuff and it just makes me crazy. Pansy left, and Steffy came over. Steffy is newly pregnant, and Matt is out of town. It is her third pregnancy after two miscarriages, and she needs injections of blood thinners every day. She can't do them on her own, and her husband is gone, so I've been helping her on the weekends by giving her the injections (someone helps her when she is at work during the week). Emily left soon after Steffy got here and I was glad to see her go.
To tell you the truth I was feeling pretty relaxed about my packing until Emily got here and judged and criticized everything. It's an incredibly vulnerable feeling to have your whole house torn apart and people going through your stuff even if they are helping you... and I certainly don't need the feeling of being judged. Something about the whole interaction just stressed me out, and I ended up bingeing afterward, then feeling really really awful. I was crying while watching Project Runway. I called a few people but didn't get anyone, and then I did manage to reach Keith. I told him what happened and he was very supportive.
Emily said she would come again later this week, I guess because she thinks I can't get along without her, but I don't want her to come back. I know we have been friends for a long time, I know she cares about me in her own way, but sometimes her behavior is just so petty and awful. Ever since she went to school, she has become quite a know-it-all, including arguing with me about what my doctor tells me (my doctor whose been practicing naturopathy for over 30 years). I guess there are places where she fits and places where she doesn't. I don't really need her injecting her fear and doubt into my world.
I hate watching myself and how I just crumbled and ruined almost two weeks of sobriety around my eating. I feel pretty lousy right now...
Love,
Duck
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