Hi Diary,
I don't really know what to say about my year in review... 2012 was much harder than I thought it was going to be. I honestly thought that my days of serious, over-the-top depression were behind me... but that was obviously not the case. I guess it was a year of big change, because I did move... so I can congratulate myself about that. Other than that, I don't have much to say about it. I have been dealing with uncomfortable health issues for a very long time, and in truth I am feeling a bit defeated, both in that arena, and the financial one.
I suppose I could say I moved on from many things- my apartment, sure, but also really closing the book on Alphie, and Michael, and knowing that I don't want to be friends with people that refuse to see me and don't think that they ever have to apologize to me... the same goes with Gia... I am done with overfunctioning in every relationship I am in.
I had a bad dream of sorts this morning... I had a brother, and he squashed a cockroach/bug type thing that was actually my "friend"... then he rubbed it on my neck in a very rough, abusive way... the whole thing was upsetting because he came into the bathroom when I was naked and in the bathtub, so it felt quite invasive and violent. I woke up not feeling good at all... realizing I am pretty broke. ZZ always reads my cards and apparently good stuff is coming my way in the future, but right now I am finding it pretty difficult to figure out what I should do. I reluctantly took a look at my website and made two business-related calls yesterday... I guess that's a start. And this morning I called the web hosting company and only got a year renewal instead of a two-year (to lower the price) and the credit card company to ask them to mail me a statement that I never got, so I can finish my paperwork for 2012... I don't know what I will do about my taxes, my accountant moved and is no longer in the state, so I'm wondering what I should do. I actually keep pretty good track of all my expenses and stuff, so maybe my dad can help me do my taxes. Who knows.
I watched an inspiring video this morning about creating one's own life, that helped a little bit. Now I am just going to try to make this day the best it can be. What else is there to do?
Love,
Duck
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