sugar update and other things [ 2013-02-13, 10:24 a.m. ]

Hi Diary,

So I've been doing okay on the sugar. I did have a little "slip up"- I was making cookies on Friday and I guess it was just too tempting to put a big blob of cookie dough into my mouth. Sugar and butter and whatnot... and not even gluten free unfortunately. Then the next day I had a piece of my brother Kevin's birthday cake, which was actually somewhat planned. I made a gluten-free cake specifically because I knew my 15 month old niece was going to have a piece and I didn't want her to eat nasty GMOs. So I had a piece of that too.

That's the thing about counting days, it's relatively easy to mess up and then feel badly about having to start at "1" again. It implies that one must be perfect and have nothing, ever... And even though I noticed that eating the sugar seemed to have "flipped the switch"- meaning I found myself feeling bluesy and craving sugar again- I need to feel okay about myself even if once in awhile I eat it. Hopefully I will be able to get myself back on track even after a small slip, which is very hard, but I'm doing okay right now.

In any case this time, I have noticed more than ever what affect sugar has on me, and unfortunately I have to admit that I am one of those extremely sensitive people who simply cannot eat it without feeling the intense pull of addiction and overemotionality. It sucks, and it's not fair, but it seems to be true.

Meantime I have been experiencing some bad cramps, waiting for that to pass. I'm finally getting over my cold so that's a relief. Now just needing to work on keeping the earning ball rolling. I'm not really feeling inspired, really most of the time I was living on some other planet. I am tired of this world, tired of struggling to provide for myself, and right now I feel quite lackluster about life.

Maybe this will change. I guess there's really nothing to do but find out.

Love,
Duck

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