Dear Diary,

So now the photos of Gia and Thomas' wedding are popping up all over our mutual friends' FB pages, it's been a bit depressing for me and I've had some bingey episodes.

I really hate that it has any power over me at all, so I've been praying and asking for help. It triggers so many parts of my abandonment experiences, I can't help it. That's part of me that feels shock that someone can say, we love you, you are family to us, we are your people- one day, and then the next obviously you are nothing to them. Even after Thomas and I had that discussion and he said he did want to be friends but apparently that was a lie... I know I don't NEED them, I mean I had a life before I knew them, and we don't even live in the same town. But I just have this problem with rejection, and letting go. It's a constant exercise of staying "over here" and not letting my thoughts and energy go "over there".

Hm. Not much else in other news. I just tend to feel a lot of anxiety. I know I need to go back to work, just not really sure what to do! I don't do well, really, working 9-5 jobs that are repetitive... any ideas??

Love, Duck

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