Hi Diary,

I dreamt that I was staying in some kind of hostel/hotel named Basel. Maybe I was in Basel Switzerland? There were baskets of lotions and soaps and things in every corner. Apparently I had stayed there two weeks and then been away, so when I came back I was struggling to find my room, not remembering where it was maybe? Or I know I was looking for room 3, but I wasn't sure if that's the room I had before and if my stuff was still in there. It was a pretty rich environment as far as having lots of stuff- plants, sculptures, flowers etc. The truly weird part was I was thinking of M. I'm not sure if we had "broken up" in this hotel or if there was a chance he'd be staying there and I might run into him. And then I told myself that he would most likely be staying in the really expensive hotel next store, the high-rise with the better service.

As usual, I wake up confused and a little bit sad, but the whole thing is ridiculous since I have not seen M since the end of 2007 and really am I still in love with him? We only dated a year and for sure I have moved on and matured, haven't I? I just can't figure out why I am still dreaming about him, and why it makes me sad (other than the fact that yeah, he blew me off and never spoke to me again). Let's face it, the whole thing was sad, I WAS in love with him more than anyone I'd ever known up to that point, but really I WOULD like to move on and have a life and not dream about him.

I feel like getting healthy is my first step in having a relationship again, because my health did decline rapidly after M left, and since then it's been hard to imagine being with someone when I don't really feel well. So I don't know how or where I will meet someone, but who ever knows that?

Ugh. I just hate waking up this way.

p.s. Thanks to you all who wrote me a note!

Love, Duck

[previous] [next]