Dear Diary,

Well, X and I tried to do a craft show today, which turned out to be more of a yard sale with very few crafters, and nobody wanted to pay more than 50 cents for anything. I was feeling pretty disheartened, and intensely bummed out because X insisted on paying the $55 to get us a table, and you know she is soo weird about receiving back, she won't let me give her half the money. It borders on ridiculous, really.

In other news, I got my chart done by Pia last Saturday. It felt good to get a reading and made me feel hopeful. Life is changing, Pia said the TYPE of man I will be meeting will be different, that I am moving out of focusing solely on health and more into relationship, and lots more stuff that I have somewhere on a recording. Then on Tuesday I went and had a card reading with a woman who lives about an hour away... I had heard really good things about her, that she was very accurate. And I wanted to go to somebody who had never met me. I get "readings" all the time from ZZ, but I feel like it comes through the filter of ZZ's experience, and there are certain things she WANTS to believe about me.

So here are some points of the tarot reading:

1) I have a lot of protection around me
2) I have done a lot of personal growth work and it shows
3) I am going to meet someone and either have a child (a boy) with him, or he will already have a child. It will be a committed union that feels like family.
4) I will continue to work and will feel refreshed and inspired about giving presentations
5) My relationship will be with a man that's established enough that I will not have to work so hard

She seemed to have a very good sense of me- so we will see. We know that I have been hoping to meet someone, and it seems almost too good to be true that YES I will meet someone... so we will see. Other things she mentioned (she seems to also be psychic aside from just reading cards): that Anna (who is living in Europe right now and newly pregnant) will have a girl; and that Gia and Thomas are "going in different directions", that I did nothing wrong with them, that one of them wants to connect with me but the other doesn't, so neither one of them will. My thought is that Gia would like to connect but Thomas is still angry at me...? I don't know if that's right.

So afterward I told ZZ that I went and had the reading, and of course she wanted to hear about it, and I was telling her about the cards that came up around meeting the guy, and she said, "Well maybe that signifies your father," because I suppose she would have read that card as my father. However, each reader has her own way of reading cards, and ZZ tells me that all the time, so I don't know why she would try to impose her own projection on someone else's reading. But I have noticed this tendency in ZZ to not want to look at the fact that I very much want to be in relationship- almost like she has an aversion to it or something, or it's her will that I WON'T be in relationship. Now I know that she loves her husband but is not quite enamored of him. He is a lot of work for her, doesn't clean up after himself, is not motivated to even do simple things around the house such as take out the garbage or mow the lawn without being asked a dozen times. She doesn't want to share a bed with him because she doesn't really like sex, and doesn't want to hear him snoring and waking her up all night. It seems to me that her experience of having a husband is just like having this irritating person around, not really the experience of having a supportive and loving committed relationship. But just because she doesn't think being in a relationship is so great, I wish she wouldn't poo-poo my desire to be in one. I have never dated anyone for longer than 2 years, never been married or had kids- all the stuff she has done- but why not give me a chance? And I WON'T be doing it the way that she does, so it's not like all marriages are the same.

Which caused me to think, why is she with her husband anyway? He is rather boorish. Not truly very considerate or emotional. When I look at ZZ, I can see that she herself is not really that considerate or emotional. So I guess they are a match.

Oh, it's getting late, and I have to go to bed.

I for one am excited about the prospect of meeting someone

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