Dear Diary,

My mother is driving me nuts. Because that's what she does. She makes mountains out of molehills, while ignoring the things that are important to me. Quite a skill, actually!

Okay. Sooo... I didn't want to clean house today. I feel like I have a lot to do, but I never know where to start. Writing is one of them. I am resisting this post the whole way. I've already erased it twice, and just fighting the temptation to erase this now.

But I shall go on. I feel like my money situation has gotten a bit better. When my funds are low, I tell the Universe, "I need money" and somehow something will appear- a new job, or someone pays me money they owe me, or pays me ahead of time-- something like that. I have an intention to have 'more than enough' money. That means, enough money to pay all my bills and have a savings and feel comfortable for a rainy day. Enough money where I can have some luxuries, like going out to lunch with a friend and not secretly hoping the whole time that the friend will pay for lunch; even being able to treat them. Enough money where if someone else needed money, I could give some away.

Gail is very fond of giving me advice (as we know). Her latest thing is telling me that now that I feel (a bit) better, I should move out of my parents' house. Never mind that I am not COMPLETELY better- although the symptoms of Epstein-Barr have abated, I definitely still have adrenal fatigue- and never mind that I haven't worked in years and I have NO savings and I am just getting to a place where I'm going back to work. She tells me I need to "pick a place and move, and the money will follow".

Hmm. I totally believe that we determine our own lives and we can manifest what we need (if we don't get in our own way- and I definitely believe I have been getting in my own way in terms of earning money), BUT that all sounds pretty stressful to me, still. The biggest proof is that Gail hasn't actually been able to do this HERSELF. Sure, she moved cross-country last year, not really sure what she was going to 'do', but she had a lot of visions and fantasies that weren't actually grounded in reality. I think one of her biggest mistakes is that she envisions herself somewhere without having any experience of the place. Desiring some peace and imagining yourself living in a log cabin is a lot different that actually living in the isolation of a long cabin, chopping wood and dealing with a long winter.

Not that she is living in a log cabin, but still. She moved to a part of the country she really knew nothing about- and here's maybe the kicker- she thought it would be WHAT she wanted it to be. But the people there have their own groove. They are hippies, who don't process their hair or shave their legs enough so Gail doesn't want to associate with them. She is continually disappointed in who people are, but she didn't bother to research the culture or the kind of people who live there. And now... she is just repeating the process, and moving somewhere else in the same fashion. She got an intuitive "hit" that she would like it further northwest. And although she is very intuitive, and that's one thing, I think it also pays to make a plan.

So that's what I'm doing... first of all, I have to improve my business, make a plan, save money. Then maybe do some travel, investigate different places, perhaps find a place to live. That seems to me to be the very sensible thing to do!

Well, that's as much as I can squeeze out right now. Maybe I'll write more later.

Love,
Duck

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