downward hormonal spiral [ 2004-05-20, 1:53 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

These past two weeks I've been having breakdowns all over the place. I think it might be a combination of hormones and relationship drama stress.

That box, that fucking box!

Yeah, ever since then, I can tell you all kinds of little "bad luck" I've been having. Going out dancing with a friend, and she spilled her entire drink down the front of my dress. Then I was accosted by another pervert on the dance floor (my own fault; I should have never accepted the invitation- however you will be happy to know I just walked away from him in the middle of a song). I took my barrette out of my hair and the waiter threw it away.

The next day, I forgot my wallet which was a real hassle. A car drove by and splashed a huge mud puddle all over me, just like in the movies.

I hurt my back at the gym, I guess I was lifting something wrong, GymMan wasn't there to spot me and I might not have been standing correctly, or lifting too much weight.

I went to a party and no cute guys hit on me. The closest I came was one really ugly stinky guy who offered me cocaine.

I worked a lot, a whole bunch extra for Talia, but barely made any commission. I don't know if business is slow, or there's something wrong with me. I don't feel like I have much self-confidence. Talia suggested that I train with one of the other girls again. This just made me feel worse, like I'm really fucking up. Plus, Talia has been in kind of a bad mood, which makes me nervous. She hasn't really taken it out on any of us, but it makes the whole place tense. I hate tension in the workplace-- that's what working with CF was all about-- so I just had to remind myself that I don't really NEED that job- I can leave any time and no one could blame me since there's no money being made.

And the whole hormonal thing isn't helping. I've just been bursting into tears sometimes... and forget about reading the paper or watching the news, it just makes me cry. And reading "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." I'm so hormonal I can't stand myself.

Hoping things get better soon.

I had plans to go to my friend's place in the country, but she had to cancel on me. Now I don't know what I'll do with the weekend. Who knows, if I wait around behind the bushes on Sunday, maybe I can ambush Frank the next time he tries to leave something at my house!

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