I am too big for my life. That's how I feel today.

Therefore, some changes will be afoot.

Went to see CF as planned. Was uneventful, except she let me know she thought I was stupid. Okay, thanks. Fucking maniac. The positive thing is that I was asked to officially give all my keys back so now I feel like another tendril has been cut. Closer and closer to my independence.

I think I picked what I want to be when I grow up. Only it's a little weird, and I don't know how I will pay for it. I'm thinking of asking my father for a loan. But then I'll have to explain it to him...

I feel like I am at a crossroads, to make a big decision. But my crossroads never feel like roads. They feel like enormous leaps over gigantic chasms.

But I ask myself, when will the changes come? It might never feel safe. And then I will be connected to people like CF for the rest of my life.

I need to trust Frank more. I know that. I need to be more grounded in myself. To know that even if he doesn't hold up his end, I will be okay. Things are good with us. He seems more open. I am constantly hearing things about other people's relationships that just compound what I know about Frank; that he is a good man.

I just have to believe in myself.

Duck

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