Dear Diary,

I wish I had something incredibly witty and wonderful to say. I wish I felt better. I guess I wish I was different.

I have been keeping busy. Working a lot, full-time and part-time. The p/t gig is not a lot of money, but it keeps me busy. I'm hoping to make some commission. My new boss, Talia, is so very very cool, so unlike CF. I noticed when I first went in there, that I felt very intimidated by her. I thought, "Duck, don't start this pattern. Nobody else seems intimidated by anyone else here, you can be one of the gang if you just believe that's the way it should be." That's the kind of attitude I've tried to maintain. Instead of thinking I'm constantly not doing enough or I'm going to be in trouble or someone's going to be mad at me-- it's a little difficult, but it's so much better than the past. And it's really okay. I feel like I do a good job.

Still have not heard from Frank since I called him on Tuesday. I only wonder what's going on with him. My guess is maybe he is in some kind of downward spiral, because that's what it sounded like when I laid all that on him. I find myself worrying about him. Really, according to the "rules", I'm supposed to be worrying about myself right now, and, well, I guess I am. I mean, I'm functioning and I have plans and stuff... but Frank, I'm worried he might just hate himself so much, he'll go off the deep end. I know there's nothing I can do about that, but I guess I'm just realizing that I'm seeing what a hard place he's in. I really do believe he wanted to love me, but he's just too scared. I don't feel like I have to punish him for leaving me, because you love who you love and you can't really choose that. I was angry about him blowing me off, but I expressed myself about it and, that is that. I wish he would call me though. I guess it will happen in its own good time. I haven't much patience.

I thought about... um... going on a date. Doing the online dating thing. I started to fill out a profile. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. I'm really not interested in doing a big serious relationship search, I guess I just want to go out and have dinners and conversation and the like--- that's okay, right? I'm not much of a casual dater I guess. Everytime I've been dating I think I've really been looking for some deep connection. But now I feel like some part of me has to heal over before I can do all that... but it would be nice to feel feminine and attractive and go out.

Then part of me thinks it's too soon... but it's been almost two months since the separation itself. I guess I could just try it and see how it feels, right?

Well folks if you have any opinions let me know. Normally I don't ask for advice but in this case, I feel like I could use some feedback.

Love,

Duck

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