Dear Diary,

It's hard for me to not feel like a loser right now. I have no structure in my life, I don't necessarily know where my next paycheck is coming from, and I spend my days eating junk food and sleeping late to compensate for it.

However, if I want to look at it another way-- I've started my own business from scratch, and I have been managing to support myself while doing so. Granted I have debt, but it's quite minimal compared to a lot of people. Also, I've put everything together myself. I don't have any business partners or co-workers. I've made it this far on my own.

I know it will keep getting better... it's just in the interim, this place that I am right now, feels so crazy...

Today I ate better than I have been. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm eating the fruit and the salad that I bought.

One step at a time.

My friend Amber suggested some helpful things to give me structure: to set aside time everyday when I will work, just as if I had a regular job. She suggested setting aside certain hours in every day just to work. And getting up, leaving the house to get a cup of coffee or the newspaper, and then coming back into the house as if I was coming into work. I guess I will try it.

Today I spoke briefly with Aleda. I've noticed that her pattern is really all about getting what she needs or wants... she never calls me unless she wants something. When she wants to "get together", it's because she wants something. As was the case today. I'm kind of tired of it, but at the same time pretty much used to it. I feel like she's really judging me right now because of the place I'm in. Mostly I just want to be by myself for just that reason. Most people give me useless suggestions or remarks that just don't feel supportive.

Universe, I just want some support.

Love,
Duck

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