Hi Diary,

Here I am again.

My toes still hurt.

I have a lot of things to do. I just finished doing laundry, and cleaning the stove, which was disgusting. Kind of let that get away from me a little bit. Those metal rings that go around the burners, two of them were stuck and I had to pry them off with a knife. Ooh, greasey...

I also spent a lot of time on the phone, which I just hate. People don't read the information I send them, then they call me and ask me all the same questions that they would know the answers to if they read my brochure. And I say, over and over again, yes, if you read my brochure, you would see that... and yes, that is outlined in my brochure. But people don't care.

I think one of Louie's friends is hitting on me. His name is Dolan and he kind of befriended me immediately-- what did we bond over? The fact that Louie is crazy. So I thought I could talk to Dolan. He was saying, listen, Louie really has problems, he has the following issues and he's a very wounded human being and this is way he does X Y Z, and I am trying to help him blah blah blah. That's all fine and good because it helps me to have some feedback that yeah, Louie is nuts. But occasionally Dolan will just go off and talk about his credentials and how professional and smart he is, okay I was ignoring that a little bit. But now I don't know if that was him trying to impress me.

The thing Dolan, and a lot of men don't seem to realize, is that it's really not too impressive to listen to a guy talk about himself for hours on end. It's boring. And women like to feel like a guy is interested in her, not sitting there bragging about himself.

Anyway Dolan calls me every now and then under the pretense of "helping" me with this issue with Louie. Even though I am caring less and less and I don't really need his "help". It doesn't really matter because even when I try to talk to Dolan, he goes off on a tangent and starts talking about himself, how smart he is, etc. So it's not like that helps me at all or even makes me feel listened to.

Last night I ran into him in town and he offered to walk me to the bus. As we were walking he said, oh I was surprised to hear you don't have a boyfriend.

Super.

No, I don't have one, I said. I have someone that I see, but no boyfriend. And Dolan got this weird smile on his face and said, it'll happen. Then as I was going to get on the bus he kind of caressed my hair.

Ew. My hair is not even caressable!

Okay, this is what I know about Dolan: he's looking for somebody, big time. He wants to get married. Louie actually tried to suggest that Dolan and I get together. For one thing I'm not physically attracted to him, and for another, as I've already mentioned, he's a little too into himself, and "not there". A little too self-involved to have a conversation with. I wonder if Louie was trying to suggest to Dolan that he go for it with me.

Louie was trying to sell Dolan to me, "Oh, he wants to be monogamous, he wants to get married," Like, that's enough for me! Ugh. Guys are so dumb. Big deal, does Louie think this is 1950 and I'm going to jump on that because I am an old maid and need to get married?

Well guys, I've got news for you: I've got two lovers, a man and a woman. And I'm in no hurry to get married. Honestly, I can say that's low on my list of priorities right now. So I guess that takes me out of the pool of monogamous young women who want a ring on their finger.

True, I want a #1 love, somebody whose crazy about me, but I think I'll know him (or her) when I find them. I think that the zing! will be there right away... I won't have to be convinced to go out with someone... and I won't have this template put on me by someone else who's "looking for a wife". That's the worst part. I just feel that this guy has too much of an agenda and will bypass anything that's really going on to get there... he's already proved that to me by not being able to listen.

As I mentioned above, it doesn't seem that the world is full of very good listeners, does it?

Part of me says that Louie is involved in this. He's always trying to control other people, to the point of trying to keep people from dating or getting them together. I have a theory that he is just trying to create some kind of family group for himself so he'll feel like he belongs somewhere.

Well if Dolan wants to push it, I'll just tell him where I'm at right now. I can't imagine what his face will look like when I tell him about Grace. I wouldn't do it to be mean, but, what else am I going to do?

People need to listen better.

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