Dear Diary,

I have a problem, and I think it is depression. But I don't know what to do about it.

It suddenly struck me that I might be depressed as I was watching City Slickers deep into the night (because I can't sleep) and suddenly burst into tears. Yes, the real boo-hoos.

So I know it really wasn't about the movie, I'm not sure what it's about. That's the thing about depression, I guess... you never know what it's about.

But I spent the day in the library. And started reading this book, a story about a woman is totally controlled by her mother- the girl wants to be a chef or a caterer when she grows up, but her mother insists she go to school to be a teacher. Her mother treats her like a child her whole life, and shames her about sex, and convinces her to marry a man that doesn't even really love her, he just wants to have sex with her. She tells her husband that she wants to be a caterer or a chef, but her husband scoffs at the idea, because he wants her to stay home and have kids. Next thing you know she's pregnant...

That's as far as I got. But maybe that's as far as I needed to get today. What I saw was, at least my life is my own. I have the gift of my own choices. There are some people that lead their whole lives living someone else's plan.

I may be broke, and cry at dumb movies, but dammit, my life is my own...

Perhaps this too shall pass...

Love,
Duck

[previous] [next]