Dear Diary,

Today I woke up, fresh from a dream about W. Yes, yes, even when he goes away, he doesn't go away. Well you know what I believe, that things get healed in dreams, so I'm probably just working out the last of whatever needs to be worked out.

Here was the dream: we were... somewhere... where some kind of talent show was about to take place. W was putting on his socks. I realized my hair needed washing. I asked him, "Should we take a shower?" and he agreed, yes, we should, and he took off his socks. So we went to take a shower (we were in a kind of campsite place). But I couldn't find my conditioner or my soap (I am always searching for stuff in my dreams- no doubt symbolic of my feelings of LOSS)- so I was looking and looking in all the shower stalls for my stuff. I noticed that W had fancy organic shampoo and conditioner in his bag, and thought to myself, "oh, I could just use his". But he never OFFERED it to me (isn't THAT symbolic of just how much W likes to share... anything?). Then, my second cousin, who is about 8 years old, came out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around my waist. W started going down the stairs like a monkey to make her laugh. He collapsed at the bottom of the stairs and my little cousin jumped on top of him. The end.

Hmm. So, if you have any insight about what that means, I'd be happy to hear it. Oftentimes people say the objects and events in dreams are not that important, it is the FEELINGS in the dreams you should pay attention to. The feeling in this dream was that W and I were very close, in relationship boyfriend-girlfriend like. We were a team, intent on getting cleaned up before this thing we had to do together. My cousin was playful but I had to tell her to let go of my waist before I went down the stairs, because I was afraid she would hurt my back if I tried to drag her down the stairs. That's when she jumped on W.

Oh! And I forgot to tell you, Diary, I saw Xan yesterday. He is back from his travels abroad. Maybe he and W and Evan are all the same person, and they are rotating shifts. He is working at the front desk of the school, so I'll probably be seeing him on a regular basis this summer.

huh.

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