Dear Diary,

Well. Let me tell you. On one hand, this feels like it has been the most chaotic few days of my life. On the other, good things are happening.

Alphie has been here since Thursday. He's been trying really hard to get close to me, but I've been resisting. We finally got to have a conversation about all this poor communicating. And I finally felt like he heard me. I know he wants to show up and be perfect and can't really handle not doing everything perfectly. So when he makes a mistake, he doesn't own it- he would prefer to pretend that it never happened. So I think I got across that I don't expect him to be perfect- I just want better communication with him.

I realized that my anger and my resentment has really been messing me up. I don't really gain anything from holding so much resentment toward Alphie. And as scary as it was to talk to him about it, I feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

It's okay. I'm no longer attracted to him in "that" way- I have no desire to kiss him or be sexual with him. I feel more like he is a brother- an exasperating one at that, but a brother nonetheless. I think Alphie feels that maybe there is still the possibility of us being like we used to, but of course he wouldn't say it. But I'm not being sucked into anything. He's here, we've done some work, he's going home. I feel cleared- that I've gotten things off my chest. That feels good.

In other news, I got a text message from, of all people-

W.
Wis.
Wisconsin.

What the fuck, I say. The last time I heard anything from him, was proably the last week in April. The last time I feel he genuinely tried to get together with me, was the beginning of April. The last time I physically saw him on this earth plane, was the end of March.

It's June now, people!

Here's what the text said:
"About to be back [in town]. Really full schedulewise but would love to share some time before too long. Love to u! -w."

At first, I couldn't even figure out who this text was from, since I had erased W's numbers from my phone.

Then, I was just mind boggled. Does he just do this? Just disappear, without a trace, and then reappear and act like he never disappeared? Can anyone explain this to me?

And the kicker is, I was just starting to really feel like I am healed from the hurt of everything that happened... now why is he back? Is this some kind of cosmic joke?

I haven't answered and didn't really intend to. Though part of me thought I SHOULD text back with my original reaction:

"Who is this?"

haha.

Love,
Duck

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