Dear Diary,

I don't really know what I want to write, but I'm here anyway.

I got up early to go to work this morning, but only one person showed up for my presentation. I sent her home, and spent the rest of the day doing errands, which was exhausting, because I walked a lot and took a lot of public transportation.

Then I came home and finished watching the second season of Desperate Housewives, and listened to another CD in my audio program. I like the program a lot, and I think it's doing something. Although I think bigger and bigger issues are coming up for me, since I practically fell asleep during the last CD. I think it was hard for me to stay awake!!

Whenever I start feeling bad, I listen to another CD. It's all about releasing your emotions, and not staying with bad feelings. I don't know if it's a fluke, but for the last two days I've woken up and I HAVEN'T had that awful waking-up feeling- you know the one, where my brain is fairly empty, then all my sadness about M comes flowing back. I've woken up feeling pretty clear, and not so bad.

Today I got bummed out, so I did some extra work. It seems to help, a bit. I can only hope that I can come to a place where I just feel comfortable, and I'm not holding onto anything. Really, above all, I realize, I just want to be at peace. I know life comes with a certain amount of pain, but I just don't want to be devastated anymore.

I spoke with Inez, and she is in a rough space. She has been sick for several months, and struggling with sadness. Also, of course- she started seeing a guy and realized how afraid she is that he is going to leave her. Apparently, she has abandonment issues too (who doesn't?), but it seems it's an epidemic. I would have lent her the book I finished reading, but of course I've already lent it to my client. We spent some time talking on the phone and I guess we are going to meet up for tea on Tuesday. Inez has a bad habit of talking and talking and talking, continuously, but tonight I realized that it might be because she's very lonely and longing for connection, and maybe all those words are a way for her to try to make a connection to people.

At any rate, I can't worry about fixing everyone else- I still have my work to do. I will gladly help my friends, but I can't lose myself in the process. Inez seemed surprised at all that I was doing, and I guess it's kind of impressive when I look at it all here:

1. daily journal writing
2. therapy
3. seeing Kate
4. other healing/energy work
5. audio program
6. dance and exercise
7. occasionally working

See? This has been like my full time job.

I'm tired.

Better yet?

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