Dear Diary,

Trying to get my life together... I set my alarm for 9:45, but for some reason didn't wake up until almost 10:30... I don't know if I was so tired that I turned the alarm off?!

At any rate, I awoke from a dream... I'm not sure of the details now, but apparently it was about me and M, and we were splitting up- but more like a marriage, because there were concerns about assets and dividing a business that was worth well over 330 million dollars. My whole family and I were sitting in a very fancy hotel room, and my sister Delia was there, very upset, of course, and saying that she would initiate the sale of the business so the profits could be divided. My grandmother, who has been dead almost 12 years, was sitting right beside me, and I was saying to her, "Well, I'm a millionaire! But I don't feel any different."

Delia was hot to trot on the whole sale thing but I told her, "Wait, I just need to talk to M about something," apparently I wanted to clear everything with him... I even remember the phone number I dialed (in my parent's area code). I got M on the phone but he was at my friend's house... I remember feeling a little awkward like were they talking about me? what was I missing? His friend Mikey was with him. He was very excited and telling me something but the phone was cutting out and I said, "Baby wait, you're breaking up..." and he said, "Damn!" "Wait, I can hear you now." Our whole exchange was loving and casual, no animosity or any feelings of 'splitting' at all... then I woke up.

Not sure what this one means, maybe it is just the preparation for the "unhooking" I am working on.

It is lovely that spring is here, but it is also tinged with a bit of sadness for me because it was at this time last year that M and my relationship was really starting to bloom and be in the "honeymoon" phase. He had spent all of February and almost all of March out of town on business, and spring was the time when he finally came home and we saw each other regularly, instead of just talking on the phone. M may have had a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder- I know he is enjoying this nice weather. There is just a part of me that is wishing we were enjoying it together.

I guess it's okay though. Really, when I think about it, he was always struggling because he just couldn't get a handle on who he was or what he wanted after his divorce. It doesn't have anything to do with me... it's just, I guess, bad timing.

And sometimes I just want to curse bad timing, but I guess I have to figure that the Universe has some kind of plan... after all, when Frank left I couldn't even have predicted what the Universe had in store for me. I did go from being quite miserable to having a lot more power and joy in my life... I completely changed. Am I going to go through another shift that is that big?

At any rate, I did manage to do laundry and make some phone calls this morning as well as some emails. I got quite a bit done, so it pays not to sleep till noon! A good habit to get into!

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