Hi Diary,

Well last night my entry was short as I was so exhausted... I'm still exhausted but carrying on. I've been staying at Stacey's and one of her other friends has been staying as well... this friend was here first and therefore got the bedroom... I got a cot in the living room.

We could have shared a room but I guess that was out of the question for this other girl... well since I was sleeping in the living room, I had the divine pleasure of being awakened at 6am by a 2 year old. Hmm.

So not much sleep these past couple of days. Stacey got mugged earlier in the week, and is rather traumatized, so she hasn't gone food shopping. Poor girl. I ran to the grocery store early this morning, and after I chose all my items (including items for my flight tomorrow) I was informed that the system was down and the store could not accept credit or debit cards... what a pain. So I had to put half my stuff back... then stand in line for about 20 minutes... my anger growing. I would have left but I promised Stacey I would bring back bananas for the baby, and I knew if I didn't eat there would be hell to pay... so I was hungry with low blood sugar and a deadline for getting back to the house and the pressure was agitating.

Came back to the house with not quite enough time to spare, Stacey is always pretty lax about everything but her friend was all in a tiff because we were all in a hurry, and, I was angry. I was just pissed off, annoyed and frustrated about what happened in the grocery store. I wasn't taking it out on anyone and was perfectly sweet to Stacey and the baby on my return- but Stacey's friend kept referring to the "bad vibes" as we got in the car. I basically told her to shake it off and not take on my emotions. I wasn't going to apologize for having my feelings, which is a huge step for me. Why should I have to stuff how I feel for someone I barely know? I've done that my whole life. Also, I might mention that in the couple of days we've hung out, it seems perfectly acceptable for this friend to be in a mood, but as soon as I had some less-than-pretty feelings, it was labeled unacceptable. Forget it!

They dropped me off at Serena's and I had a good class. I really enjoyed spending time at lunch with David and another guy, Thomas. David had to go back early and Thomas stayed... we talked a lot. I have always thought Thomas was very handsome... I think we are about the same age and we are the youngest people in the class. Anyway he lives with his girlfriend, and he kind of mentioned some problems... she sounds like she is rather hard to get along with... I don't know... I felt like he was asking me advice but oftentimes I don't know what to say when it seems that the guy is sweet and the woman is just resisting sex for a power trip or something. I have never been one to refuse sex anyway, since I am horny as all get-out, but then again I tend to be over-accomodating, so what can I say...

At any rate it was a nice connection and I found myself kind of turned on by Thomas on the whole...

I even had a nice connection with Grace today. She seemed a little more open than usual and gave me a big hug. I made sure to give her a hug when I left too.

Then Thomas and I were walking out together because he said he would give me a ride to the bus station, when I saw Alphie. He was sitting in Grace's car at the end of the driveway. He was indeed honoring my request... I guess he saw me and quickly looked down. It was an interesting gesture as I took it to mean that he was trying to give me space by not even looking at me.

Thomas and I walked by and then I said, "Wait a minute," and I knocked on the passenger-side window and waved at Alphie. He waved back and I motioned for him to roll down the window, but he leaned over and opened the door instead. I leaned in the door and said, "Can I say hi to you?" (Which is altogether sort of dorky, I realized, because I asked HIM to stay away from ME, but I guess I was respecting his space in that moment) and he was smiling, but looking kind of shocked, and said, "Sure, hi." And I said, "Can I give you a hug?" And he said yes. So I hugged him tight and I said, "I'm doing such good work on myself, and I wanted to thank you for giving me space. I really appreciate it." And he said, "Sure. Anything I can do." And I said, "Talk to you soon," and we said goodbye. I think I was just feeling really open from the whole day, my interactions with the men and with Grace, and... I don't know... maybe even felt a little compassion for Alphie sitting in the car trying not to look at me. Altogether he looked quite surprised by the whole exchange and I'm sure the whole thing took him by surprise.

I don't think he knows Thomas and I'm wondering if he thought Thomas was M... since I know Petra and Michael told him about M long ago... oh well. I don't seem to have any irritated or angry feelings about Alphie today and I don't regret my decision to give him a hug. At the moment I did that I really was feeling very grateful.

Thomas drove me to the bus station, and made sure I was in the right place to get my bus. He was so gentlemanly and I appreciated it and I told him so. I think he was feeling really good about helping me out. And I found myself pretty attracted to him. You never know, sometimes my hormones surprise me.

Stacey picked me up from the bus. Her friend left (a sigh of relief here) so now I can sleep in a bed- yay! Also, I told her that she should go out with her husband and I would babysit. So that is what's happening now.

I just had a conversation with Nia, whose son is six months old but she thinks she's pregnant again. I guess they want to have as many kids as soon as possible since Lee is so much older than her. She sometimes doubts her abilities as a mom because she doesn't always do what the books say and other people say. She worries that her son will never be able to put himself to sleep because sometimes she comforts him and lets him fall asleep on her. I told her that I have seen lots of examples of shitty parenting and she is not it...she does not ignore her kid and respects him as his own person with needs... that she should do what she feels like and if she wants to comfort her son that is okay... it is in her DNA as a mom, and it really is the parents' choice and lots of people do stuff like that. Really I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom seems to be judging yourself against others' standards and worrying if you are doing it right! Everybody is different in deciding schedules and what fits with their lifestyle.

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