So, Gia has been here since last Tuesday and I guess I haven't updated AT ALL? Seems a bit crazy that one guest would take up so much of my time but that's how it goes.
Picked her up on Tuesday and brought her back here, we went out to eat then came home and watched movie. Wedesday I took her into town for a full work day. While she worked I met Bethany for lunch. Bethany is so very stressed and depressed these days, it leaves me a bit confused about what to do around her. She talks a lot about stories that don't interest me, like what happens in her group therapy, and I listen and do my best to appear interested. I love Bethany and she is one of my best friends, but there is something about the way she relays information that makes it take about four times longer than it really has to, and for whatever reason I am not so patient these days.
Afterward I picked up Gia and we went out for dinner and home again. Thursday we went shopping in the morning. In the dressing room I got a terrible headache which I'm sure made me miserable to be around. I dropped Gia off and went and did a ton of shopping- to the chiropractor's to buy a supplement, picked up a baby present for my hometown girlfriend, and I also saw a purse that I had to have, which is rare. It was only twenty bucks so I bought it. Then I went to work. Usually my headaches go away at work, but this one lasted basically all day, and was still going strong when I went to get Gia again.
Friday was our day off and that meant more shopping. Gia had some things she knew she wanted to get. We went lingerie shopping which was great fun. I spent a ton of money, but it did feel good to buy some sexy underwear sets. Just to have them and maybe to show them off to Shelby.
Gia knows about Shelby and does her best to be supportive but sometimes it really pushes her buttons. I think especially when people are in a relationship and learn about Shelby and my arrangement it brings up feelings of fear, jealousy and I don't know what else. Gia has been supportive but did mention that she couldn't understand why Shelby bothered to get married if he was going to bother being with other women. It's my understanding that it was partially his wife's idea and they talk about it a lot, so they seem to have their own thing going on and I really don't know the future they see for themselves, that is actually not so much my business. I know Gia is concerned for me and maybe she thinks we are just fooling around and that's it? But to me what I am doing with Shelby feels like it has a lot of spiritual purpose and healing possibilities that go with it (really, doesn't every situation? I don't believe that there's anything in life that doesn't happen for a reason). Never in my life have I stretched myself so far in telling the truth about my feelings, being vulnerable and honest about my fears, and feeling surprised at the amount of listening and acceptance that I receive from him. Plus we don't even have sexual intercourse and for me that shows that he is in it for the other layers too-
I never told Gia that we don't actually have sex, nor did I tell her about the depth of our conversations, so I don't know what she thinks. I did mention Pia's reading about us having a soul connection to help each other. That is what I believe. I don't believe in some random happening- too many things are similar (the fact that he is officially "unavailable", yet available; the fact that he's my "type"- like Alphie but more sensitive and evolved; and the fact that I met him last summer and kind of said to myself- 'that's the kind of guy I want,' and then he approached me- that's the same thing that happened with M).
In any case, I said that to Gia about the soul purpose/helper thing and she just got all quiet and weird, so after a bit I asked her if she was triggered. She responded that she just didn't buy into any spiritual fantasy and that she didn't actually believe Shelby's wife was okay with it.
What upset me the most was her ascertation that my spiritual belief was fantasy. I have found too many things to be true for me in astrology, so that was the most offensive thing she said. As for his wife's feelings I don't know since I haven't talked to her yet, but really even if she is not okay with it she is agreeing to it for one reason or another. Maybe, most likely, Gia is just projecting her own feelings of right and wrong and what a marriage is supposed to look like onto this situation. In any case it felt like it really shut a door for me as far as sharing with Gia. I didn't tell her that, and I realize I could tell her other things like about our sharing or our lack of intercourse, but why should I have to? I really don't feel that I have to explain myself. In any case I resolved to stop mentioning his name around her or sharing like I would with a supportive girlfriend.
I was also triggered the other night when I remarked that Shelby had left me a message and I wanted to call him back. Gia retorted, "Don't call Shelby; you're with me!" (very telling since she has told me she feels a sense of jealousy and possession around me in regard to Shelby). She also said that since he waited a week to call me back I shouldn't call him for a week. Most of the time I take Gia's advice but this response felt so pointed that I was in a bad mood about it for some time and even went to bed and woke up angry. Meanwhile Gia has been calling her boyfriend whenever she wants.
Okay so I remind myself that Gia is a human being just like the rest of us and she's not always going to do it perfectly nor does she know everything especially in terms of what is best for me. She hasn't lived my life, that's for sure.
She goes home tomorrow- it will be nice to have my house back again as my apartment is so small that it gets pretty crowded even with two people. And I'll be able to watch all my shows online and call whomever I like!
Overall it has been a good week and fun having girl time, but it is a big expense for me to eat out so much. I have to watch the spending...
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