Okay Diary,

Shit has been out of control in the eating department. I have been averaging 2-3 candy bars per day. That is BAD. My skin looks like shit.

Not to mention I am sleepless, AGAIN. In pain too, my old injury flaring up. I wish somebody would figure out how to fix it.

I am tempted to call Shelby, but really, I don't have any reason to. I guess we could talk details about meeting on Saturday, but there's days left to go. I have the urge to seriously question Shelby about things like his fantasies and the like. I guess because I just don't believe that any guy would be completely happy with what we are doing. Aside from the no-intercourse thing, of course. But I mean, it always amazes me when I meet people who seem to lack sexual imagination. Who doesn't like a little roleplay? Or have some ravishment fantasy in their head? Or something? In the beginning Shelby alluded to 'wanting to have adventures and explore' and I am still waiting to do that. I don't see the point of having intercourse if it is going to be the same gig, the same way everytime. I am seriously concerned about this... y'know?

Anyhow. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And really I am probably a bit irritated because Shelby is soo busy and I know that most likely he will not call me to make plans. Sigh. I know, he is not the love of my life, he's just some married guy I'm hanging with... with purpose, and he is fabulous, don't get me wrong. I must just be looking for shit to complain about.

It's only been a few days but I haven't heard back from the job, and I might be a bit agitated about that. I am concerned about money, playing with the numbers in my checkbook and feeling none too confident. And you know I don't even want a job anyway, so what the hell.

Sleepless, and this is how I think when I can't sleep.

Love,
Duck

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