Dear Diary,

Welcome to the life of the insomniac...

Even though I get really tired at night, sometimes I start to worry or something, and then I can't sleep. Normally I don't think about anything at all, and I still can't sleep.

I am waiting for some money to come in- somebody wrote me a check, but the name on it was wrong and I had to have them send me another one. I also wrote emails to everyone who owes me money. Altogether about $700, though I doubt I'll be seeing it anytime soon and certainly not all at once.

Tuesday night I couldn't sleep and checked my email about 2:30pm. There was a message from the part-time job I applied for that they would give me a try and could I come in tomorrow? I found it weird that it's a JOB, and my phone number is right on the top of my (hastily put-together) resume, and the woman writes me an email at 7pm to ask if I will come in the next day. Really? This is what it's come to? Not only that but then in the morning I get a text message from the girl who's going to train me, asking if I am going to come in today. A text message! I am astounded that nobody thought it might be a good idea to actually CALL me and find out. If I had actually slept like a normal person, I never would have checked my email until late the next morning.

In any case, looks like I got that job. It will be a huge help in paying off my debt, if my calculations are correct. I will have to set aside money for taxes, and have been thinking about maybe opening a new account that I put a percentage in and just don't touch. It would be to pay taxes, and maybe just for a rainy day if it was really needed.

In any case, I told them I'd come in for a few hours. But first I made a wax appointment and rushed down there. I'm sure it's been over a year since I've had a wax- I mean, I keep things tidy, but- hardcore porn star waxing, no. I think I just got so depressed after M, and wasn't getting any action, and it's a drag anyway to have burning skin for a couple days... not to mention the money. And I really don't think Shelby cares. He doesn't seem adequately obsessed with the area like my past boyfriends, which is kind of disappointing. I mean, he WANTS to touch me, and has gone down on me a couple of times. But he's not one of those guys whose super INTO IT. Without getting too raunchy, let me just say that I've met many of those men, men who are obsessed by it, intoxicated by the smell, always want to touch it, taste it, find out what's going on down there. Mostly white boys. Shelby is not one of those men. He doesn't even really get how mine works, so much. Sometimes it seems like he expects to touch me for two minutes and I should be ready to go. Uh, nope- not how it works. I can honestly say I am having a good time with him because I like the attention he gives me, how attentive and supportive he is emotionally, but really, sexually sometimes I feel he is fumbling along. I guess I can see why, if he hasn't been with that many women. And I guess that rather than complaining, I could help out a bit more and actually try to tell him what I like.

So, I digress with my tale of waxing. I didn't go whole hog, but got something nice and am interested to see Shelby's reaction. It's hard to tell exactly what he likes because he isn't so comfortable with words and sex together. For instance he rarely ever compliments my body with words. I can tell that he likes it, but... no words. I do know men like variety, so maybe my new "haircut" will spark something in him.

Anyhow. Back in the saddle, then I went to the desk job. It is tedious, because there's so much to do. But it should be okay. Most of the people there seem pretty pretentious. I don't care. I just want the money.

After that I had a quick dinner with B and his wife and one of their friends. The same restaurant we went to last time where the same waitress doesn't like me. I ate fast and ran to see my client/colleague... this is the guy that is now officially back together with the woman who left him about the same time M left me- except obviously they kept in touch and decided to give it another go. Brings up all kinds of feelings for me around M but whatever- basically I know that I am not the same person and staying in touch with him may have just kept me stuck and holding on. And Duckie doesn't go back, she only goes forward.

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