Dear Diary,

Well there is a seminar next weekend that I was seriously considering, it is expensive as hell. I just decided that it is probably not my best option, not just because of the money but also just because I don't really have the physical stamina right now. My hip has been constantly hurting me and in reality, sitting or standing in one place for long periods of time is not a good choice.

Plus when I think about NOT spending the money, it just feels better. No hustling and trying to juggle numbers for rent. I can put a decent payment on my credit card. I don't have to stretch myself to do more hours at the pt job, but rather I can take a day off tomorrow to do laundry, clean my house and prepare for my presentations on Saturday. What a relief! And I can still treat myself a bit, maybe even get a massage.

So it's decided.

Life is interesting in that sometimes I go to bed so invested in things, and when I wake up all I can say is, "What was I thinking?!" The situation with G is one such example. I was in such a bad mood after we spoke and determined that there wasn't really any time to get together. Today I woke up feeling kind of apathetic about the whole thing, and even re-evaluating G's maturity level and capability to date so many people at once. It's a lot to balance one other person in one's life not to mention being polyamorous.

Also I am not feeling so fond of Roc either, he doesn't call or reach out much. He sent me a text on Monday or Tuesday, saying he was feeling better and he 'sure did miss me'. Almost believable, but I texted him back and got no response.

So, whatever about having two boyfriends. If they can't connect with me, what's the point?

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