A dream that I was with Stacey, and we were at some party with her kid. It ran late, I was desperately trying to clean up (without much help from others- it was a huge job), and I was really worried about getting home. In a very Stacey-like fashion, we had stayed out too late and then she couldn't come through for me and I didn't know exactly how I was going to get home.

So I woke up with my alarm because I was supposed to babysit this morning but at the last minute I get a text from the mom saying they are taking the child with them, so no babysitting job for me today... no extra money! Bummed.

In other news, I have gone to my storage area a few times and it is pretty depressing. One, because of the wet weather my cardboard boxes have started caving in on themselves, so things are falling over and I am very worried about stuff being destroyed... Two, there is mouse shit everywhere, and mice have broken into several things, the worst is they have attacked a lot of my fabric things and of course chewed them up... so great, my dad agreed to pay for storage every month, but all my stuff is getting ruined!! I am trying not to freak out about it. Granted I don't have very fancy stuff, but it is MINE- stuff I paid for and worked for, stuff that surrounded me during my life, some of it gives me comfort etc... and it's disappointing to see everything get destroyed when obviously I was trying to preserve it!

The last few days I have felt truly awful, really bloated, and having pain which I think is ovarian cysts bursting. I know that the way to get rid of them is to cut out the sugar and increase vitamin C, but once again I found myself stuffing chocolate in my mouth, for some kind of relief or comfort I don't know... I just know I feel awful and can't seem to get out of my shitty eating cycle. I'm really trying now to eat more fruit. I feel okay today, but sometimes right after I eat my stomach bloats up, and I think that's from parasites.

I realized I was feeling really ashamed of having parasites, like I did it to myself through a shitty diet or not taking care of myself, but I have also realized that anybody can get parasites from anything- eating sushi, walking in the grass, any type of food, etc. So I really don't know why I should feel so bad about myself.... habit?

[previous] [next]