I have been re-reading pages from 2008 to 2009... slogging through that emotional time when recovering from my breakup with M, and dealing with Elliot and Smitten. Ugh! I do feel different now. I feel that if I met Elliot or Smitten today that I would not be sucked in by either the total narcissist nor the broken-hearted male.
I am living in the neighborhood I grew up in as a child. Most of us, the kids that grew up together, have come back here one way or another. Clara moved around the corner so her kids could be in close proximity with her mom, their grandmother. Allison bought a house just down the street from her father's after she got divorced. Alexandra moved in with her parents after she got pregnant and the baby daddy wanted nothing to do with her... and stayed even after her father passed away. And here I am, with my adrenal exhaustion, living with my parents.
And apparently this trend has also begun with a new generation. There's a guy, 25 years old, who moved back in with his parents, after getting married at 21 or so and going through a hellish divorce, where his wife of about 30 seconds cheated on him, then hired an excellent lawyer who proceeded to squeeze everything she possibly could out of him, crushing his heart in the process. At one point I thought he might be attracted to me, but then I look at myself- I have such a hard time with my body right now, looking "middle aged"- something I never wanted!
But it seems I always complain about the same thing: my eating, my body, my lack of funds. I have noticed that even though I have lists and lists of things I would like to do, I don't really know where to start, so I end up procrastinating and going back online for some reason that I don't remember and then nothing gets done. I realize it is a problem that is related to computers and I got a lot more done before social media especially, so I may have to re-formulate my life like I'm living in 1999. With Prince. And just waiting for the purple elevator and partying and stuff.
So that is a goal.
Today I went to the movies with my neighbors to see Jurassic World. It was better than I expected it to be and I keep liking Chris Pratt more and more.
Well, that may be all I can muster for now. Talk soon.