Hi Diary,

Did I mention that CuteBoy called me the other day? No, I didn't. Well, he did.

After our last conversation, in which he had to AGAIN bring up the issue of us not sleeping together, I just said fuck it, I'm not calling him anymore.

So about three weeks later, CB calls. I'm in a good mood and say, "Well, thanks for calling." But CB has to make it clear that it's nothing special, he says, "Well you know, I am just making lots of calls, catching up." Then he asks me if I would like to come and visit, something we had talked about before he irritated the piss out of me. I said, "Well, I really don't know. I'm at my training right now, and I'll just have to look when I get home." To which CB had to reply, "Well it is no hurry, I have nothing to do."

I forgot what it was like to be so young, and play such games. It seems that CB was really wrapped up in letting me know just how unspecial I am. "It's not important, I'm not in a hurry for you to come visit me... Oh I'm not calling you because I want to talk to you, I'm just calling everybody..." Same as his tendency to wait exactly two days to respond to an email.

Yeah, okay. Did I tell you that he and Bambi broke up? Maybe he is just feeling lonely. At least in this conversation, he didn't say anything about sex, or lack of sex. That was a positive.

That was about a week ago and I haven't really thought about it since. I guess my craziness has subsided.

I'd really like to talk to Byron but he's been hard to get a hold of, in a way. He's sent me a couple emails, but it seems to me that By is a sensitive type of soul and he's going into some kind of solitude. Much like myself. So it's hard for me not to go into that space where I just decide that no one likes me anymore....

Blah blah blah.

I can't wait till after the holidays, when I will have work, and won't be sitting around thinking about crap like that.

[previous] [next]